Problem Solving

In my family we don't solve problems. Which is odd considering we have a detailed process in which we handle them. Every time there is one, we do basically the same thing. On occasion, there are variations.

First we find something that looks like it could possibly be a problem or might turn into one. (Depending on how much my dad actually hears, this could be anything from saying the word hamburger to threatening to rip off someone's face.) Once we have identified a possible problem, it is transformed into a horse using one of the many horse related metaphors that my dad has stored in his brain (honestly I have begun to think it consists of no information past the 1940's). Once  the problem has become a horse, we flog that horse until it is dead. Once it is dead, we continue to beat it until it is nicely ground up into what looks like hamburger meat. Once it can easily be formed into a horseburger, we package it up, put it in the deep freeze, and forget about it. Months later when one of our crazy relatives pull it out, they'll throw it onto the pile of horse were currently flogging. And once again everything gets thrown into the freezer and forgotten about.

An argument starts as a polite conversation. It will then, morph into a heated agreement. Then before you know it, someone will say something that my parents don't agree with. In an instant we've dove head first in to a pool of yelling (usually in confined spaces). The arguments start out sort of legitimate, move to ridiculous, head into What the..., and finally loop back around to ludicrous (which usually involves my mom actually using the word ludicrous in a sentence). There's a pause. Then we repeat.

An actual two hour argument that occurred on a road trip went like this:
How one of my friends was doing. (Polite Conversation)
Submission to one's husband (Heated Agreement)
Argument about marijuana (Sort of Legitimate)
Argument about hard drugs
Argument about prescription drugs
Red meat (Ridiculous)
Breast Milk (What the...)
Anarchy
Methane gas
Who's trying to change who's opinion
Alcohol
Whether school system is projecting these ideas (Ludicrous)
*Pause*
Difference in opinions (Polite Conversation)
Parental examples (Heated Agreement)
*We stopped for gas thus breaking the loop*