Never Tell Me Three Times

In my family, there seems to be a wide consensus that I am incompetent. They don't seem to believe that I know how to make my bed, do the dishes, close up the chickens, feed the cows, etc. They seem to think that telling me to do so several times helps me get it done, as well as asking me about every detail of the process.

Trust me. I do know how to feed the horse and cows. I know that I've only been doing it since elementary school, but I do know how much grain to give them and how to give them hay. It really isn't as complicated as you seem to think. And above all else, I know when they need to be fed.

It amazes me. No one else in my family is prone to this. When my younger sister feeds the animals, she doesn't get asked, "Did you give them grain?" "Did you give them enough hay?" "Did you check the water?" etc. They seem to be questions reserved for me. Lately it seems to be worse.

My mother has taken to telling me when to do my laundry. I've been doing my own laundry since middle school. I think I am aware of when I run out of underwear. Believe it or not I even make my bed every morning. As well as, as shower without you telling me to do so. I will admit my room is a disaster area, but so are the rooms of almost everyone else my age. My younger sibling's was a mess until a couple of days ago.

As for regular house hold chores that my family asks for help with, I might actually get them done if you leave me alone about it. The note left on the table in the morning does actually inform me of the chores I should do. Trust me that is enough. It doesn't hurt to call me and ask me if I saw the note. Sometimes I don't. A plate gets set on top of it or I just miss it. (What that can actually happen?)

What is not needed, however, is for you to call every other hour to tell me to do so, nor does my younger sister need to tell me to do so. Trust me the note and the phone call is enough. In fact, if you had just left me alone I might actually have a clean room right now. Nothing pisses me off more than for someone to tell me to do something half a million times.

The only thing that comes close is when my younger sister starts being a brat about it. Sorry, but telling me that you have done oh so much and that I am a lazy bitch doesn't exactly put me in a mood where I want to vacuum. In fact, it kind of makes me want to jam the vacuum up your sinuses.

I know it's a hard concept for you people to understand, but I do know how to do things. I don't need to learn how to clean a bathroom, Mother. I already know how to do so. Just because I don't like doing something doesn't mean I don't know how to do it. For god's sake leave me alone. I don't care if you take a vacation. In fact, do so. Leave the house for me to take care of for a couple of days while you go do something. Let me prove to you that I actually can live on my own and take care of the necessary duties.  


Here are the rules for future duties if you want me to get them done.

1. Don't tell me more than twice.

2. Don't expect everything to get done the instant you tell me to do it. (Give me a couple minutes to get mentally prepared.)

3. Don't give me a guilt trip about how much you've done and how little I've done. (Martyrs have to actually have a cause and no the cleanliness of the dishes doesn't count as one.)

4. I don't actually hate doing the job (not counting the chickens. They are disgusting!) until you've told me to do it half a dozen times.

5. Don't make me repeat back the list of things you want me to do, or the steps involved. I will tune you out and won't remember a word you've said. You're wasting your time and mine.

6. If I have a question, I will ask.

7. If I do ask a question, don't assume I don't know anything. "Where's the toilet bowl cleaner?" does NOT equal "How do you clean the toilet?"

8. You wouldn't be finding places that I missed if you'd left me alone. I would actually have patience to do a good job if I hadn't used it all trying to stop my self from jamming the toilet brush into your eye.

9. Don't bitch at me about the junk in the living room. While I leave stuff in there on occasion, there is a 98% chance that it's either my younger sister's or my dad's.

10. I know this will be the hardest one for you to understand, but LEAVE ME ALONE!

I'm moving out in two months. I can make myself food (without burning down the house). I can clean up my mess. I can do my laundry. I can shower. I can get out of bed (not that I will unless I have to). I can actually keep an area clean (if I actually have a place to put stuff (see Sleeping Arrangements)). I can even manage money.

I promise you. I will not die in the first two days that I'm on my own. Trust me I'll be fine. I don't mind helping out before I move out so long as you treat me as though I am older than five.