Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Yes, I Am A Woman

There is one thing I find really absurd. Well, actually, I find lots of things absurd, but this is one of the things I feel like ranting about at the moment. It's hilarious when people get surprised that I like something. No one bats an eyelash when I tell them that I love Star Wars, Spiderman, and Xena (although, someone which hasn't seen the show once told me it was appalling that I liked it), but as soon as I wear heels, have a pink phone, or get caught watching a Disney movie marathon, the what bet did you lose jokes start.

It makes sense that no one is surprised at my standard guy nerd interests because to be fair I am likely wearing a T-shirt that states the fact. But what I don't get is why people are so surprised when I like "chick" things. Contrary to popular belief I am a woman. (Please hold off all gasp spasms until the end.)

I like fashion to some extent. (Hold it.) I'm not talking the runway bologna, but actual clothes that people wear. The way style changes over time just fascinates me as well as why a person chooses the clothes they do. Believe it or not I can actually help you pick out a nice outfit (if need be just hold your breath). I just don't want one for myself. I'll be the comfortable one over here thanks. Nothing compares to the wide-eyed looks of "did that just happen?" when I comment on how much I love that one character's dress. The shiney black dress in Shock Treatment made me all giddy. (Seriously, you're going to pass out of hyperventilation if you don't wait.)

I say I love the show Pretty Little Liars and some people's heads just up and explode. When I tell them I love the outfits the characters are wearing I have lost them entirely. They end up like the on ship computer when Arthur Dent tried to explain tea to it. It may have been easier to explain rocket science in a few of these cases.

When I say I love Disney movies it somehow manages to be the most baffling thing in the world to people despite it being something everyone loves. (If you say you don't love at least one you are a liar!) My theory is that this stems from my hatred of being called a princess that arrose from a very unique form of child rearing in which you drown your child in a subject until they hate it. In this case it would be called Princess Smoothing. I do love fairy tales, but hell will have to freeze over, explode like a Michael Bay movie, and then reassemble like a Dragonball Z villain before I will ever want to be a princess. (Though, if someone wanting to give me Amazon princesshood or a chakrum...)

Moving on, I am a big fan of the novel Pride and Prejudice. The fact people are surprised by this has to be one of the most baffling things to me. It's a famous example of early feminism. Come on people. That ass is not supposed to be a hat. I actually know very few people who have read the book (no the version with zombies doesn't count). But I say I like it and I get that same look as if I just declared I was a one eyed purple unicorn named Frank. The movie Lost in Austen (which is a must see for all fans of Pride and Prejudice) is one of my favorite things ever because it runs amuck with the story in the most hilariously respectful way. When I mentioned this fact to my older sister, the thing she said is, "it's funny how you'll get into such girly movies."

I know this may be hard for the world to understand, but I am a woman. (Alright, go ahead and gasp spasm already. You're turning purple anyways.) Can you people not see that I have boobs? I know the comfy clothing may abstruct your view a bit, but they are there I promise. I can like princesses without wanting to be one. I can read "girly" novels (except Twilight! Shoot me if I ever read Twilight!) I can even like dresses and still not want to wear one ever. (Sorry mom it's not happening.)

I find people's reactions so ridiculous when they find these things out. It's like I just told them Santa Claus isn't real and they didn't get the build up as a small child where they already sorta had it figured out. To be honest I could probably say the one eyed purple unicorn thing and get less weird looks than I do when I say, "damn, I love that dress!" (My actual statement upon seeing the black dress in Shock Treatment.)

Thursday, September 19, 2013

More Accepted?

This is just something that has been bothering me lately. Everyone is always telling me that being a gay chick is more accepted than being a gay guy. To which I loudly declare, "Bullshit!" And go on a ten minute rant.

The truth is that it's not more accepted. Sure you do hear people bitching about two guys kissing more than two women doing so, but that is because the two guys kissing is taken seriously.

People only get upset when they think that something is a threat. Two guys kissing equals threat. Two women kissing equals entertainment. You have to admit there is a good deal of thought process behind women kissing that goes along the lines of, "they're doing it to impress guys." That thought process does not exist when it comes to two guys kissing. They're not doing it to impress girls they are just gay.

Let's look at media. Despite the fact that a shit ton of LGBT media is incredibly depressing (a rant for another time) there is always more graphic sex scenes in the movies about two women. Exhibit A: Brokeback Mountain vs. Black Swan. Both won Oscars and to be fair they aren't really the same thing, but think about it. Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman together was a far more graphic sex scene than Jake Gillenhall and Heath Ledger. In films about gay guys, the sex bit is danced around whereas just about any film ever with two woman it is played up as much as possible.

Another thing you will notice is that in films about gay men, they don't pull the whole well actually he's bi thing. I have read and seen a few to many books, movies, and TV shows where they pull that card to create drama or they pull the whole it was just a phase thing. Sure sexuality can be pretty fluid, but dear God, it's the same for men. Can we please stop seeing this plot twist or show at least one show in which that "gay" guy somehow falls for the chick. Please?

Then there is the one thing that bothers me just in general. Will and Grace. (Gasp Spasm!) I know I just blasphemed over the entire world of the gay best friend obsessed, but come on. I've seen episodes of Will and Grace, so I'm not just spouting from ignorance here and I will admit some of the jokes are fabulous. They just make them to much and if I watch more than an episode at a time I get monumentally annoyed. I actually did a little math. (Yes I'm a nerd. Moving on.)

After watching a few shows, I came to an average of about seven gay jokes per episode. In a television show that averages 22 minutes once you cut out commercials that leaves you with a gay joke every 3 minutes-ish. (If you want to get down to the second do the math yourself.) I don't know about you, but my sexuality is talked about not often actually. I do other stuff in my day to day life besides just be gay or do things gayly. (Gasp Spasm!)

Yes it does come up so I don't expect it to never be mentioned, but dear lord every three minutes is a bit much. There are about three television shows I can think of where these people (yes normal average people) actually act like they are normal average people. Pretty Little Liars, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Lost Girl. (I especially love Lost Girl for the fact that they don't label any of the sexuality stuff. It's just this dude has a husband and this chick has a girlfriend. Moving on.)

While other shows have gay characters they spend a bit too much time talking about being gay. Greek (which has great dialog and humor for the most part, but a shoddy plot) actually has a character that pretty much just complains about the fact that when you're gay all anyone talks about is your being gay. While I get your point, shut up already! You're not helping the cause!

Every single plot point for that character, of course, revolves around his being gay. The other more hetero characters have plot points about well stuff like failing classes, partying to much, or even the obligatory pissing off of the parents. Not the gay guy though he just gets to struggle with the ins and out of being gay. Like having a crush on your roommate or loving musicals and decorating, but not being able to admit it. (The true challenge of all gay men, apparently.)

Into that same show there is a plot point where a chick declares she's a lesbian and goes on the "obligatory" college lesbian fling, but then decides she was wrong. She's not gay. While I get annoyed with the way the gay guy was portrayed, the gay chick thing was far more obnoxious. The gay guy character was a gay guy. The gay chick character was a three episode story arch in which she was just going through a phase.

So, that would be my rant for this evening brought on by an abundance of free time due to illness and watching feminist documentaries in that free time.