The Perfect Ending

Last year during a  game of lap tag being played in the dark, my friend Ashley elbowed me in the face and broke my nose. Which caused me to spend a couple hours in the emergency room and made it so I will never forget my seventeenth birthday party. This year I managed to top that.

Yesterday, I had my eighteenth birthday party and several of my friends stayed the night. This morning I needed to give a couple of my friends rides home and managed to do so without a single incident. On my way home I was enjoying myself, listening to the Grateful Dead and of course singing. When I turned onto the road that leads to my house I saw a patch of road that was really washed out because of all the rain we've been having. I slowed down to roughly 20mph, but apparently that wasn't slow enough. I hit the washed out area my tires caught on some gravel and I lost control of the car.

It was a moment of "SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!" going through my head. The car went into the ditch, crashed into the embankment and for a millisecond I though it was over. Then the car started to tip to the left leading to more "SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!" and before I new it I was hanging upside down and had the majority of my Peace Tea dripping down my face while the Grateful Dead continued to play.

Thanks to the wonderful power of adrenaline, I was able to free my left arm from the seat belt and support my body weight on it while I freed myself from the seat belt. Once firmly on the ceiling I opened the car door and stepped out now verbalizing "SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!" I managed to crash in a place where there are three houses only a few feet away, but not a single person was home in either one of them. If I hadn't been able to free myself, I would have been hanging there for a long ass time. I then managed to run the quarter mile uphill to my house and got my parents.

As of right now, I am quite sore, but I can't tell what is from running a quarter mile, what is from the actual crash, and what is from rock climbing yesterday. The only injury I am certain where it came from is the bruise on my shin that is from me colliding with the corner of the stage during play practice on Friday.

As a final consensus, I think next year I'm not going to have a party because quite frankly I don't want to top this years.

Why Zeus Hates Me

A couple summers ago, I went camping with my girl scout troop down below where we keep our horses. We camped for three days and it rained for all three days. The first night we got to chase cows back into their pin because they escaped. It's always fun to be drenched while chasing cows in the dark. the next day when walking up to the house for breakfast it started to rain again and me being my nerdy self decided to yell, "KNOCK IT OFF, ZEUS!" As soon as I said that it started pelting hail. Ever since that weather has not been my friend.
i.e. Today during last period there was a massive thunder clap, but when we got outside it was nice and sunny, but then as soon as play practice was about to end it started hailing.
i.e. Last Fourth of July when Me and my friend Fallom had to go outside to feed the cows and horses. It was bucketing rain before we went out, but as soon as we went out there it started to hail. After ducking under a tree for a couple minutes it stopped  and we proceded. Then it started hailing again. This process happened several times before we were able to finish.

Official Adult

As of yesterday at 2:14pm, I am an official adult.
The original plan was to go out to eat, but thanks to Zeus' undeniable hatred for me, there were flash floods and power outages. Needless to say we didn't go out to eat. Instead we bought Papa Murphy's pizza, went home and baked it. Then I convinced my whole family to watch the dorkiest kid musical I could possibly think of, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

While I can now buy porn, cigarettes and scratch tickets, my money will most likely be spent on completing my Pokemon card collection (I only collect first and second gen. because lets face it all the others suck), or filling my bookshelf with more manga, or heck maybe even buying a few Dr. Seuss books I don't have. Trust me turning eighteen is totally wasted except in my ability to vote, drive as many people as there are seat belts in my car and my ability to stay out past midnight without breaking the law.

Dad-isms

Everyone has phrases they say all the time. Here are a few of my Dad's most famous statements:

1. "You might learn somethin'."
Usually headed with a "sit down" or "come here", my dad uses this whenever he is watching, doing, or talking about anything he finds interesting and you happen ask him what he's doing.

2. "That's as useful as tits on a boar hog!"
Used whenever my dad thinks anything is useless.

3. "I can read the horses ears."
Said whenever my dad thinks someone is agitated about something.

4. "Hellope?"
How my dad answers the telephone.

5. "I need your help with something. It will only take a few minutes."
Can mean: "I need your help moving this incredible heavy antique." "I need you to help me do this obnoxious/tedious job that will take at least twenty minutes probably more." "I need your help and it will take just a moment, but I will have you stand/sit there while I lecture you about history or something else you don't care about."

6. "What did you say?!"
He has blasted to bits his ear drums through reenacting and other loud activities (most involving guns). Never actually has hearing problems when you say something your not supposed to.

7. "It's Scarlett O'Hara time!"
This is a song my dad made up and sings whenever anyone pouts. He just repeats that line to a tune until whoever's pouting stomps off or laughs.

8. "I got to go pee, because I drank to much tea."
Another one of my dad's songs. This one is reserved for long car rides when you say you need to use the restroom. Although on occasion he will sing it when you get up to use the restroom in the middle of dinner.

These are just few or his many catchphrases. I'm pretty sure he has a few more farm metaphors, but as of right now I can't think of them.

One Week

I have exactly one week until I turn eighteen! That's all I have to say.

SURPRISE! I Was in The Neighborhood So I Stopped By For A Quick Snack.

People are often surprised. It can simply be someone came in a room too quietly and freaked you out when they said something. Or it can be something such as you hear some clanging around and find a bear sitting in your garage eating trash. The latter is what happened to my family on Thursday night. The garage door was left open and Mr Bear decided it was dinner time and berries just wouldn't cut it.

Let it be known that my family's garage is by far not the most organized nor the easiest to navigate. This bear was hungry enough to climb over an antique, cast iron bath tub just to get to the trash cans in the back. Well when my parents discovered he was in the garage they of course had to get him out, so they scared him off. He then scrambled back over the bathtub in a very Winnie the Pooh type fashion and proceeded to walk up our sidewalk. Now you can't have a bear on the sidewalk, so my dad fired his rifle. At the gun blast the bear then booked it up the hill.

Whenever our family comes to visit they always state how lucky we are that we get to see so much wildlife and truth is we are. But the luck sort of runs out when you happen to be close enough to give a bear a hug.