Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Clothing

Most people know someone who complains about how chicks dress to impress guys. The funny thing is that the guys don't really care. Sure they love it when a chick is wearing skimpy clothes. (Ask any straight guy. They won't disagree.) But overall most guys don't really care that much about what a girl is wearing.

It's other chicks that are worried about how other girls look. When I chick is wearing skimpy clothes, it's her fellow chicks that are calling her a slut. The guys are just grateful. They're the one's who say mean stuff about each other. They're the only ones that care. I promise you a guy won't reject you just because of your clothing (maybe for other shallow and obnoxious reasons).

I dress pretty much like a guy. None of my guys friends (not counting the gay one) have ever glanced twice at what I wear. (With the exception of when I wore skirt for spirit week.) My dad has never bothered giving a crap about what I wear. My mom and sisters have spent and incredible amount of time nagging me to dress more like a girl. I asked my friend to help me dress girly for  Freaky Friday during spirit week (if you know me there's nothing freakier than that). She spent a good twenty minutes begging me about certain items of clothing. (Honestly, if my sisters haven't convinced me in eighteen years, you're not going to in twenty minutes.) It's sad how frustrated she was about it.

All in all people care way to much about clothing. If you want to dress nice go for it, but don't expect me to do the same.

P.S. This is just a random side note. Last year in my psychology class a group of kids did an experiment on peoples reactions to cross dressing. People acted less weird about he chick in guys clothing, but a lot of people weren't okay with it either. When they asked people about why they disagreed with it, most people said that it was for religious reasons. Now I'm not an expert on the Bible, but I don't believe it says anything about cross dressing. If you happen to find one though, please let me know.

Laziness

Okay laziness has gone a bit to far. Don't get me wrong I'm just as lazy as the next person, but there are certain things that are just plain ridiculous.

When I got home the TV was on and I couldn't find the remote, so I just watched what was on. I didn't really think much of it. Then like twenty minute later my younger sister asked if she could watch something. I said she could go ahead. She then asked me where the remote is. I told her I didn't know. She started looking for it and when she couldn't find it she started yelling at me to help her find it. "Just change the channel manually." She didn't want to have to get up repeatedly to change the channel.

What gets me is that she can spend ten minutes searching and yelling , but she can't get off the couch once every half hour (at minimum). She wouldn't even accept the advice to just watch a movie on the DVD player. She rather be all grumpy and pissed off why she rips the living room apart. Come on people, it's not that complicated. Heck if she's really worried about it she could just turn the TV off and read or if she doesn't want to do that she could just find one channel and watch whatever happens to come on. Being lazy is one thing, but going out of your way to make it so that you can possibly be lazy later defeats the purpose.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Religion

I get that some people are religious and good for them. I really don't give a crap if you want to pray five times a day and dance the Mamba for your religion. I just ask that you don't tell me that I have to do the same. I'm just not a religious person. As far as I'm concerned life's too short to sit still, yet alone spend an hour a week listening to someone tell me about the contents of a book.

It's absolutely crazy how often people feel the need to inform me of my wrong doings. People can be absolutely crazy when it comes to religion. People actually feel the need to put billboards up along the interstate. Billboards that say stuff like "Jesus is Real" or "Jesus is There for You." If you want to pay for a billboard I don't care, but you don't have to post them once a mile a long a stretch of interstate.

It's even worse in small towns like mine. Once I went to the bathroom during class. There was this chick in there that I sort of knew so I said hello and asked how she was. You know typical stuff. She replied, "I'm okay, but Jesus is great. I don't know if you believe in that." I replied telling her that I wasn't really religious, but I didn't care if she was. She then proceeded to give me a lecture about how I should consider letting Jesus into my heart and blablabla. She talked for like three minutes while she blocked the door to the bathroom. Seriously, it's sad if you can't go pee without getting a lecture on religion.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

St. Valentine's Day

I'm one of those people that forgot about Valentine's Day. Well that is until everyone around me decided that it had to be the sole topic of conversation. Everyone spends today either talking about how much the hate the day or how much they love the day. Either way you're a total slave to the holiday.

If you spend the day bitching about how corporate it is and how it's just an excuse for single people to feel sad, then you're just as worried about it as the people who are freaking out about what they're getting their date. Whether you're anti-valentine or pro-valentine it's a day like any other. Honestly, if you don't like the corporate crap, then don't participate. It's really not a hard concept to ignore things. Heck most of you probably spent your teen years practicing on your parents.

Like anything there are pros and cons.

Cons:
1. It's ridiculously corporate.
2. You have to listen to all your friends bitch about it (or brag about it).
3. For three days they only show the Valentine's episodes of your favorite shows.

Pros:
1. It acts as a catalyst for people to tell each other how they feel.
2. The day after, you can buy crap tons of candy for half off.
3.  For three days they only show the Valentine's episodes of your favorite shows.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Development of a Threat

A threat normally starts out as something simple such as, "I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES!"
Then you add more and more too it in order make it sound more ominous.

"I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES!"
Turns into
"I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES TO DUST!"
Turns into
"I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES TO DUST AND BAKE THEM INTO BREAD!"
Turns into
"I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES TO DUST! BAKE THEM INTO BREAD! AND FEED IT TO YOU!"
An now you have a decent threat. Now, all you have to do is say it like you mean it!

If done properly, by the time you finish saying that last statement, your opponent will likely be running in the opposite direction screaming like a guy that's screaming like a little girl.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Most people have only one mother. I don't get that luxury. Yes I have the typical mother and father set. I'm not talking about how I'm actually related to people. I'm talking about people that mother you. I've got about three mothers (on occasion more). There's my actual mother. Then there's my older sister. And finally there is my younger sister.

It is actually my mothers job to bother me about "being careful" and "doing chores." It's not my sisters' job. things usually go: Oldest sister bosses around younger sisters. Middle sister bosses around youngest sister. Youngest sister sits there and gets mad because they're being bossy.

Somehow in my family the middle child ended being the center of all nit-picking. The nit-picking is at the worst when we're going someplace where we're supposed to dress up. I usually ask my mother what she wants me to wear (rather than having to change). Once, I get dressed that's when it starts. My mom will notice a tiny hole in my pants, so I'll have to change those. Then my older sister will complain about how I'm "such a boy" and she'll try to convince me to dress more feminine. Then once she's done my younger sister will also say something about how I'm dressed. I'm always the first one ready for these things (usually even before my dad is), but instead of getting ready they worry about what I'm doing.

On a daily basis I get bothered about brushing my teeth, brushing my hair (both things I can and do do on my own), my clothes don't match, I look like a boy, do I have a jacket, is it warm enough, if I get stranded and have to walk will I freeze, etc. Somehow at the age of eighteen I get treated like I'm twelve (on a good day). It's insane how incompetent my family thinks I am. My parents and sibling are completely convinced that I won't be able to live on my own. I can't even cook a burger without having a ten minute conversation about how to do so and then repeating the information back to my mother several times.

A couple weeks ago, I decided I was going to make dinner. Afterwards, my mom was absolutely shocked and said, "Now why do you say that you can't cook?" "Mom, I don't say that. You do." The thing that makes me laugh is that while I cook pretty often without burning things (not including myself), I get told that I need to learn how to cook more. My younger sister who has done things such as light the electric stove on fire, doesn't get these comments.

My family, who is horrible about asking for help when they need it, is fantastic at giving me help when I don't need it.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Nerd's Burden

This is a poem I write for English class. It's parody of Rudyard Kipling's White Man's Burden.

The Nerd's Burden
Take up the Nerd's burden.
Bring fourth your light sabers.
Go bring your costumes
To wait for the movies premier.
To sit and debate
The powers of superheroes.
To annoy passersby
Half-embarrassed half longing to join.

Take up the Nerd's burden.
In patience you will wait
For a movie that follows the comic.
And show your pride and love
For Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh. 
A hundred time the mockery
Of those that not understand, "Phoenix Down"
And praise for those that do.

Take up the Nerd's burden.
The savage wars of stars.
Don't let others be fooled
The original trilogy is best.
When your goal is near
Someone won't have seen it.
And punish heathen blasphemy
About the special effects.

Take up the Nerd's burden.
No tyrannical rules of cool
But the rules of dork and spaz
More common than others admit.
The worlds you can not travel
The powers you cannot have
Go learn about them
And teach your knowledge to others.

Take up the Nerd's burden. 
Be done with mature days.
The acting your age in public.
the wearing of common clothing.
Come now and wear your costumes
To school, work and the mall.
Bright, colorful and eye catching
Ignore the judgement of your peers!

Keeping Secrets

There are three basic ways of hiding things.

1. Raising Suspicion In Another Area
When someone goes out of their way to hide something, then does anything to keep someone's attention off that area.
This is the least effective of the three. Unlike the others this requires straight up lying. Most everyone starts out using this. This is when you blame the broken vase on the cat or say that you don't know what happened to the last slice of pie maybe your sister ate it. It is most commonly seen when a gay guy is trying to act straight. These are the guys who make crude jokes about women and try to make it sound as though they get layed a lot (note not all guys who act this way are gay, some are just virgins).

2. Half the Truth
When you don't technically lie, but you leave out important details.
This one happens to be my favorite. It's not the most effective, but it works pretty darn well. It's simply just not telling someone all of what happened. This is telling your mom that you went to the movies with a friend, but not telling her that your dating that friend. Everyone does this. "If you can't say something nice, don't saying anything at all." It's not lying to not tell your parents that you have detention. It's just not giving them all the information. There are certain things that just don't need to be said (until you've reached a safe distance).

3. Creating Suspicion on the Subject
The most affective of all secret keeping is telling the truth. Assumptions are your best friend. If you say something that arouses suspicion and then shoot down that suspicion enough times people will forget that they're supposed to be suspicious. If you say something in a joking manner (and I mean actually pull it off, no underlying tones in your voice) then people will assume just that. Even though this is the most effective, it takes a lot of skill to pull it off. Sometimes when people try to make the truth sound like a joke it doesn't come across that way. If the person your talking to knows you well than it's even harder to do so. There are just certain people that can't tell the truth successfully as a joke.