Dad-isms

Everyone has phrases they say all the time. Here are a few of my Dad's most famous statements:

1. "You might learn somethin'."
Usually headed with a "sit down" or "come here", my dad uses this whenever he is watching, doing, or talking about anything he finds interesting and you happen ask him what he's doing.

2. "That's as useful as tits on a boar hog!"
Used whenever my dad thinks anything is useless.

3. "I can read the horses ears."
Said whenever my dad thinks someone is agitated about something.

4. "Hellope?"
How my dad answers the telephone.

5. "I need your help with something. It will only take a few minutes."
Can mean: "I need your help moving this incredible heavy antique." "I need you to help me do this obnoxious/tedious job that will take at least twenty minutes probably more." "I need your help and it will take just a moment, but I will have you stand/sit there while I lecture you about history or something else you don't care about."

6. "What did you say?!"
He has blasted to bits his ear drums through reenacting and other loud activities (most involving guns). Never actually has hearing problems when you say something your not supposed to.

7. "It's Scarlett O'Hara time!"
This is a song my dad made up and sings whenever anyone pouts. He just repeats that line to a tune until whoever's pouting stomps off or laughs.

8. "I got to go pee, because I drank to much tea."
Another one of my dad's songs. This one is reserved for long car rides when you say you need to use the restroom. Although on occasion he will sing it when you get up to use the restroom in the middle of dinner.

These are just few or his many catchphrases. I'm pretty sure he has a few more farm metaphors, but as of right now I can't think of them.