Somehow without my knowledge a good deal of women have come to the consensus that I am at an entire loss on how to attract men. While this fact is very untrue, the most entertaining part of it all is how little I actually care to attract men. (And I get hit on by creepy old men, foreign guys, and highly antisocial nerdy guys just like the rest of you people thankyouverymuch!)
It is expected for my mother to give me the obligatory "get your hair out of your eyes" or "dress like a girl for once." I even expect them from my various family members during almost any conversation that I somehow ended up the topic of choice. But it's the people that I'm not related to and don't know all that well that baffle me entirely.
I like having conversations with people, so I'll talk to just about anyone (for awhile at least before running, hiding, or faking my own death). Most of the time they have some interesting stuff to say, but somehow above all other conversations I end up with them giving me fashion advice on how to make it so the boys won't stay away when I talk to women.
Awhile I ago I was back home visiting my family and I spent a day at work with my mom. Since it's a library, it's a lot of sitting around reading or doing useless stuff on the internet. About four hours into this though I get bored and start helping out with things like shelving books, or finding the movies to put in the cases, or most often spinning a lot in the desk chair.
One such occasion as I was inspecting the contents of the desk drawer looking for mints or Altoids or candy of some sort (no I was not ten in this story in case you were wondering), my Mom's boss's wife came up and started chatting with me. Conversation ensued of the "wow your all grown up" variety and quickly transitioned to the "do you have a boyfriend" one. When I gave my standard scoff and "no" reply (I can't help the scoff. It's an uncontrollable compulsion caused by amusement when asked this question), she immediately leapt into how doing something with my hair and wearing a skirt (or something like that) would make it impossible for the boys to stay away.
Why I find the entire conversation amusing what I find the most ridiculous is 1) that when she leapt into the tirade it became quite obvious the sole purpose of the conversation was to give me her fashion advice and 2) how she completely refused to accept my loose "I'm not really worried about it" as an answer and just brushed right by my more solid "Yeah, I'm not too worried about impressing boys" like all I had done was sneezed.
It was quite spectacular how she could not take a hint actually. Now my family is oblivious I expect that. I even expect other people to be it a fair deal of the time. But what I will never understand is why and how people have come to their conclusions that 1) all I care about is impressing boys and 2) that I give half a hoot about how they say I can do so.
It's not just older women who do it either. I've had people my own age give me these same lectures. It's like some bizarre compulsion women have. It's like they see me looking comfortable and enjoying the feeling in my feet and they can't help but exclaim "A comfortable woman! This must be stopped! What treachery is this!"
Complete strangers have never given me the lecture, but those few acquaintances I know through the grape vine, seem to be very interested in telling me how to look better. Of course they can't emphasize the look better part without sounding rude, so they give me the very week excuse of how it will make boys fall all over me. Had they known me at all, they'd know such a tactic would only lead to my spending the rest of the conversation configuring escape routes and the proper way to fake my death.
