Highly Contagious

Everyone knows at least one person who can't keep their nose out of other people's business. They always seem to "know" what's going on without actually knowing if what they know is correct or not. These are people who honestly have nothing better to do with their time. It's like some highly contagious disease. One person hears or sees something they find offensive (warranted or not) then they pass along how "horrible" it was to someone else. The next thing you know everyone is looking at you like you have a horns popping out of your head. This isn't even just the stuff of bad high school movies. It happens all the time, especially in my family.

I have an incredibly nosy family, but they don't bother to fact check. Listening to some of the things they say is like reading the front page of the national enquirer and trust me I have plenty of examples.

I'll start with the most ridiculous of family "controversies." A few years ago when my cousin was a little baby her parents and siblings and everyone else I'm related to came to visit for the summer (like they do every summer). We took some pictures of my older sister holding our baby cousin. My mom sent them to her mom. Instead of my grandmother thinking something logical like, "That's a cute baby. I wonder who's it is." she automatically assumed that my older sister had given birth to this baby. I don't know how her mind managed to come to that conclusion. Maybe, she thought that we hadn't sent her pictures for awhile because we didn't want to show any signs of my older sisters pregnancy. That's honestly the most logical reason I can come up with.

Here's another example: A year or so ago (not exactly sure), my younger sister posted the f-word on her Facebook status. Here's how things went down. My cousin (who's in her forties), showed her mother (my aunt). My aunt then called the neighbor's that we have at our family ranch in Wyoming (there isn't a phone at the actual ranch). My dad then went over to the neighbors to use the phone and received the message that his sister had called. My dad then called my aunt the see what the hullabaloo was. After that conversation he called home where he spent an hour yelling at my younger sister about her language.

The last one that occurred when I posted my blog about helping castrate a calf (see Balls!). My aunt called my grandma (my dad's mom) and after the chat, me and my younger sister received this nice little lecture about being careful with what we post online. I spent a week trying to figure out which of my Facebook posts caused the family freak out. I figured it was a link I posted about gay rights, atheism or something that might even be considered controversial. My grandma couldn't remember what it was, so after much asking from me and my sister she asked my aunt again and found out what it was. As it turns out my aunt was offended by a post that read, "'You might learn somethin'' Sorry Dad but I highly doubt that I'll ever need to know how to castrate a cow." What they found offensive about that post was that I used the word "castrate." What was I supposed to call it? Testicle Removal Surgery? Reproduction Away? Manhood Removal? Bye Bye Balls? I seriously don't know. I figured the technical term was just fine, but apparently that's vulgar.

With the way word travels in my family, I have a pretty good idea of what they'll be freaking about next. A couple weekends ago my younger sister had her boyfriend over. Didn't really think much of it other than it's really annoying to have to ask them to move while they're snogging because they're blocking the stairs. That night at dinner, after he left, my grandma said, "They were getting smoochy." I just know that she will say those exact words to one of my aunts. It will then travel down the crazy phone tree turning into, "they were moments away from sex." When we get it back to us my grandma will have forgotten her "smoochy" comment, but everyone will have taken their own spin on the term.