On Wanting To Be A Boy

Recently a friend of mine showed me one of those photos that gets passed around the internet about a six year old boy that lives as girl. She was curious to my opinion on the subject and told me the only issue she had was that of the fact he had dyed purple hair.

Now I have the utmost respect for anyone brave enough to live life as the opposite gender. That takes a lot of guts and you go girl/guy! On that note I don't see anything wrong with letting your six year old be whatever gender that they so wish to be. (I don't even care about the dyed hair.) I do however have an issue with the treatment some transgendered preteens are receiving.

Going through puberty for being the opposite gender as what you feel you are can suck balls! As much as puberty sucks for everyone, that sort of doubles the effect. So there is no wonder that there is a hormone treatment that helps prevent them from going through puberty. I can't get behind that. Now please refrain from shooting me, but what if it is a phase?

Now, hear me out. I as a kid really wanted to be a boy (See Homophobia). While when I was really little I told the whole damn world about it, by the time I hit about first or second grade I stopped telling anyone because of all the ridicule it resulted in. I wanted to be a boy and for the longest time thought I was one trapped in the wrong body (Thanks, big sis, for all the medical documentaries you watched). Until about fourth grade when I actually started having chick friends and could hang out as "one of the girls" (even though I didn't quite fit in), I never thought it was possible that I was actually a girl.

While puberty hit a year layer, I still didn't feel comfortable being a girl. (Or to quote ever mom ever, "Congratulations! You're a woman now!") When I got boobs I was pretty annoyed because damn it bras are uncomfortable. So I wouldn't wear bras and instead wore a hideous orange vest so I could get away without a bra. (Seriously look at any photo from fifth grade and I am wearing that ugly as all hell thing.) On top of that, when I got my period I was pissed. It of course happened before a girl scout camping trip and I kind of totally hated the fact that I would have to deal with this shit for like fifty years. That was five times my life span people! It was a curse! (When my mom told me congrats I actually wanted to punch her.)

It also didn't help that my parents never actually talked to me much about such things and we watched some damn weird videos in fifth grade health class about the subject that involved uterus pancakes. (I am not even slightly kidding.) If uterus pancakse didn't convince you that you didn't want your period, I don't know what would. While at first I was pissed and upset about things, after awhile I did figure it out that bras can be bearable and really a period isn't that bad if your a lucky bitch like me who rarely gets cramps. (Sorry, siblings, you can suck it!) By the end of fifth grade, I didn't really hate the idea of being a girl anymore, but still didn't feel entirely like one either.

In middle school I knew I was a girl and became pretty okay with that fact. It's sort of when I started to figure out that being a girl didn't mean fitting into a predetermined bubble. I never understood why it had to but, I did think that was the way it was and couldn't be changed.

Come the summer before eighth grade I cut off all my hair and actually learned what it was like to be seen as a boy. In fifth grade when I was trying to feel like a girl I would get pissed off at people for calling me a boy, bit eighth grade I didn't care. This may have more to do with the fact that in eighth grade it was an honest mistake, while in fifth it was more kids being little shits than anything else. It was kind of interesting to see how people reacted when they thought it was just guys hanging around and I found it really funny to see people freak out when they were corrected. Sometimes I'd even just let people think it.

Come high school, I was growing more comfortable in my skin. I remember being super excited when one of my guy friends said, "that is the first time I have ever actually thought of you as a girl." Junior year, I finally pulled my head out of the denial sand and realized that I was gay. Then senior year I actually grew comfortable with that fact (kind of had to thanks to the radio that was my friend's mouth). With all that going on I still never actually got comfortable with the fact that I was a female until I started college and moved out of my parents house.

I moved into my own apartment and lost all hopes of plausible deniability. Among learning that I am far lazier and far stranger than I previously thought, I learned that I was without a doubt a woman. With the chance to be entirely myself in my own home on my own terms, I learned that I was a sexy bitch that happened to be a gay woman and it's awesome! It may have taken me twenty years to be comfortable in my own skin, but I am and I will tell you right now that for me being a boy was just a phase.

All that being said, I know for some people it is not and by no means do I intend to demean that. That six year old kid may very well be a woman trapped in a man's body, but it is possible that it is just a phase as well. That's why I don't agree with the hormone treatment. Puberty sucks for everyone, more so for transgendered kids, but at the end of it you come out stronger for having gone through it. Puberty helped me figure out my place in the world amongst all the wanting to punch things and I am glad I dealt with it. Let the kids grow up, even support their decisions along the way, and by the time they hit adulthood they will have a better understanding of themselves. They may not know entirely who they are (because nobody does), but they will know more than they would otherwise.