On Being Serious

Today, is going to be a very rare moment in my life when I am going to be serious about something. Here goes. Ladies, gentlemen, and anyone else that bothers to read this, I am not a serious person. For some reason, a lot of people do not understand that I am not a serious person. I blame this partially on my chronic bitch face and partially on the fact that people take themselves way too seriously.

I take myself about as seriously as teenagers take consequences. (Actually less so.) I think I am an absolutely absurd person with a life to match it. That is why when I fall on my ass, am cyberstalked by a porcelain goose (a story for another time my friends), or manage to squirt lemonade in my eye, I am usually the first to laugh at it (after or during the required cursing of course). I take so little to heart I forget that other people actually care about these things. Mostly because I don't understand why they do.

One of the lighthearted things I do is comment on things people do or ask questions about it. I never mean anything by them, I honestly just thought that the way you put your hair up was interesting, or was legitimately curious as to why people put cereal in mugs. (I still do not get this. It is completely baffling to me.)

Today on set when packing up the leftovers of the sandwich platter, the person doing so said, "It won't fit." about one of the condiment containers. I simply replied, "Yes, it will." I wasn't trying to be snarky (or "snippy" as she put it). I just knew it would fit and took over putting it away. (By the way it did fit.) No one ever believes me when I say, "I'm not being snippy."

My parents love to lecture me on my snippiness or attitude as they put it. Yes, sometimes I do have an attitude and I still retain the belief that it's usually for a legitimate reason. I really don't like to put up with people's bullshit and am increasingly less willing to do so. (Note: The attitude lectures began after I started calling my dad out on his crap.)

For some reason when people talk shit about someone, deservedly or not, they expect whoever is standing near them to be on their side. That's when my eyes glaze over and I stop participating in the conversation. Don't get me wrong I have talked my fair share of shit, so I'm no better (exhibit A: this blog post). I just don't like listening to people insist on bringing it where it doesn't belong, like a film set. You have a job to do. Suck it up and bitch later when you don't have to work with them anymore.

I don't know what it is about me, but I am the go to person for people to come to when they want to bitch about someone. My coworkers did it, people on film sets do it, everyone in drama did it, most members of my girl scout troop did it. My theory is that since I don't care to participate much it just gives them a vast opening to keep talking. I normally don't mind listening even. People have to vent about stupid shit other people do, but don't do it when you have to turn around and see them again in five minutes. It only makes the rest of the time you have to work with them seem that much worse. There is a time and place for venting, but when you have a job to do is not it.

For some reason, that reason usually being sleep deprivation and tight quarters, film sets are cesspools for bullshit. It's a stressful environment so I never take it to heart when someone snaps at me or gets angry for no reason. It's not about me, even if it's directed at me. No one else ever gets that. In the past three weeks I have worked on six different films and have surprised several directors, by not having even once been upset or pissed off when they have snapped at me. (They always apologize later and I appreciate that, but I was never worrying about it to begin with.) I however am the only one that seems to share that sentiment. Everyone else stores it up, so that by the time we're done filming at least two people on set pretty much hate each other. And sometimes if the film set is really lucky there is one person in particular who gets to be hated by everyone on set simply for doing their job. (On only one occasion it was because they were legitimately an asshole and deserved it.)

I'm not saying people don't get on my nerves because dear god they do (and not just for their bitch sessions), but it is too much time and effort to worry about it. I have other shit I need to be doing rather than telling the producer that "(Choose a name) was trying to get me to talk shit about you." When all he said was "Me and the producer are just not getting along right now." Move some equipment, or gaff an extension cable, or better yet shove some of that craft services into your face and stop talking.

I have only been on one shoot where bitching and moaning was a legitimate thing to do. And that is because the director left halfway through set up because he forgot stuff at his house two hours away, he had us haul a mattress across the city by holding it onto the roof of a car with our hands because he didn't give us long enough cables to secure it, turns out he didn't actually need it, not only did I get injured, so did our stunt guy because he decided to change up the stunt without letting the guy know, he only offered lunch meat and hummus as food with no bread or anything else, he tried to get away with not paying us back for props we bought, but he decided be didn't want to use, and he made everyone stay until 1:00am each night on the weekend before finals because he didn't have his shit together. Unless they are actually being that level of an asshole, I don't want to hear it. Here's a snickers. Talk to me when you have your head out of your ass.

I may not be a serious person, but I will get serious when it comes to getting things done on film set. And that is when I have the opposite problem.

I can work and talk at the same time. I can even work quickly while still smiling and joking the entire time. And if I am doing something tedious that I have to focus on then I will ignore everything and everyone around me. I usually do all that before I get on set because I usually work art department. And unless we have to copper plate a wall in five minutes, which I've done, (it was wrapping paper), I can poster an entire wall while still talking to everyone around me in a joking and friendly manner. That is when people think I'm not taking my job seriously.

Today, I actually got a lecture about needing to be more focused and ready to help out. While it may not look like it while I am standing in the corner reading, when I am on set I will drop anything I have in order to help with what is needed. The standing in a corner is just to keep me out of the way and reading is to keep my brain awake. Boredom is death to my productivity.

Film is one of those things I take very seriously and will do anything necessary to get stuff done. Just tell me what to do. My ears are always listening for key phrases that mean I'm needed. I like to have fun with what I do which is why I name the list of people who are using props The Bloodhunt List and label certain articles of clothing The Dead Wookie Scarf or the Bipolar Dress. What's the point in working hard if you are not having fun.

So, no I am not a serious person, but yes I take what I do seriously. Why does everyone seem to think that taking something seriously means sucking the fun out of it? If anyone can explain this to me please do and I'll probably tell you that is dumb as shit. Unless it is a funeral, taking it seriously does not mean being serious. Thank you and goodnight. Or rather good morning because I have insomnia since I had to take my inhaler.