Hair

I am a member of the human race that was given the incredibly luck of having obscene amounts of hair. It works out well for me though since due to my pasty white ancestry the hair in places it's not supposed to be is blond rendering it near impossible to see unless you are looking for it. It works out well for me since shaving your legs is one of the biggest wastes of time humanity has ever come up with (and it's not even a good waste of time like the internet). That being said, the hair on top of my head is completely controlled by evil gnomes that don't believe I should ever look like a normal human being.

On top of my head is one full fledged enchanted forest of never ending hair.  When I grow my hair out it only looks a step or two down from StarFire in the 1980's.

Me: Pre-hair-cut

I have such insane thick hair that half an hour in a humid environment mixed with a lack of hair cut leads to me looking like I have some giant fluffy animal eating my head.

Sort of like that.

That second photo there is pretty close to the hair style I rock whenever I am in between hair cuts. My hair grows like a weed. A magic hair weed that consumes my head and I'm pretty certain if I didn't chop it off every few months it would just start eating people like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors (have to feed those hair gnomes someway I suppose).

My older sister actually tested the theory of what happens when you don't cut hair in our family. She doesn't even have as thick of hair as I do, but she has enough that if she was stranded on a desert island she could use her hair to make rope to lasso sea turtles (like Captain Jack only it actually happening. She cut her hair off once and cried at how short it was. Now she never cuts it and I have seen her hair eat a curling iron. (Not even joking it got stuck and took my mom three hours to excavate without just chopping it out.)

Less screaming than real life.

I had long hair up until the summer before eighth grade when I finally got sick of my head looking like a squirrel had made a nest simply by my having gone to gym class. I also sort of sucked at getting out of bed in the morning with enough time to actually brush my hair. It was a nightmare of hair. Judging by the amount left on the floor I'm pretty sure it joined together to love and pet and call a bunny George.

Pictured: my last hair cut.

I doesn't even matter if I've gone over a year without a hair cut, like the one I got last Christmas. Or if I've only gone four months. There is always so much hair on the ground. The lady that cuts it once suggested that she should just charge me by the pound. Not going to lie if barbers and hair dressers did that they would make a killing off me alone.

While my longer hair goes full fledged monster, my short hair prefers to go action anime. While my longer hair still manages to defy gravity my short hair doesn't even bother believing in it's existence. It's an old wives tale that the ends of my hair have passed down to the roots. While everyone with short hair gets that your hair will spike if you sleep on it wet, all I need to do is sleep on it. I can have showed, shaped it to look nice, let my hair dry entirely, and even attempted sleeping while sitting up, yet when I wake up in the morning it always manages to look like a cow attempted to lick the hair right off my head.

Mythical head licking cow the teleports into my room while I sleep.

On same days I get lucky though and I manage to not have just that one gravity defying spot of hair, but my entire head. On those occasions I happen to look very much like Goku from Dragon Ball. Gravity be damned!

Also, my actual face when woken up

I'm pretty sure that's how they designed his hair. They just took some kid with a god awful amount
of hair, had them take a nap, then drew it. What's sad is I don't even have to have been living in the woods for months without parental supervision for it to happen.