"You might learn somethin'," is the most common statement my dad makes. At random points through out a day you'll walk by him and he'll be doing something. Instead of letting you continue on your merry way he says, "Sit down. You might learn something'." If you try and continue on your merry way he gets mad and either pouts or will yell at you. Either way you get stuck listening to a lecture, watching an educational video, or maybe just stuck holding down a calf while he castrates it.
This morning my dad informed me and my younger sister that we had to help castrate our new baby calf. The ultimatum was that we either did that or my parents wouldn't take us to a friends house for a New Year's Eve party. While I don't live in suburbia or even in a town, I don't know for sure, but I highly doubt that not wanting to help castrate and brand a calf is grounds for punishment. So about two this afternoon we went down to the mucky cow pin and got to hold down a calf for about twenty minutes while he squirmed and we got yelled at.
Thanks to my dad, I did learn something. I learned that I will never need to know how to castrate or brand a calf, that doing so makes me feel queasy, and that my dad needs a hobby other than buying farm animals. Thanks to my mom I also learned, "He doesn't look too happy." Mom, I wonder why.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Fire
I have been lit on fire three times.
The first time was when I was a little kid. It was the fourth of July so like every other American I attended a fireworks display. Well my family just made the mistake of attending one in New Castle, Wyoming. While I was sitting and enjoying the loud, colorful explosions a flaming piece of shrapnel landed on my foot and it caught fire. I didn't even have chance to react before the old man sitting next to me started stomping on my foot and put out the fire.
The second time I got to close to a candle when the power was out and caught my hair on fire.
The third time I was taking something out of the oven. I accidentally tapped to top of the oven and my oven mitt burst into flames.
Now while I have been lit on fire three times I was not the one that caught the electric stove on fire. Yesterday my younger sister went into the kitchen and turned on the stove with plans to cook an egg. Even though my mom had used it several times before that point, it burst into flames when my sister used it. I don't know what it is about my family, but they have quite the ability to kill technology (see Technology In My House)
The first time was when I was a little kid. It was the fourth of July so like every other American I attended a fireworks display. Well my family just made the mistake of attending one in New Castle, Wyoming. While I was sitting and enjoying the loud, colorful explosions a flaming piece of shrapnel landed on my foot and it caught fire. I didn't even have chance to react before the old man sitting next to me started stomping on my foot and put out the fire.
The second time I got to close to a candle when the power was out and caught my hair on fire.
The third time I was taking something out of the oven. I accidentally tapped to top of the oven and my oven mitt burst into flames.
Now while I have been lit on fire three times I was not the one that caught the electric stove on fire. Yesterday my younger sister went into the kitchen and turned on the stove with plans to cook an egg. Even though my mom had used it several times before that point, it burst into flames when my sister used it. I don't know what it is about my family, but they have quite the ability to kill technology (see Technology In My House)
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Technology in My House
For some reason, I am the only person in my house that can get technology to work for them no matter what. Everyone else has an incredible amount of issues.
MY COMPUTER
My younger sister, Liz, whenever she touches my computer it absolutely refuses to work properly. In fact this morning it even froze when she just walked in the room. My mom also has this obnoxious ability. It's for this reason that my family always complains about how slow my computer is. The thing is it runs perfectly fine when I use it. My friend, Spyke, built it for me my sophomore year. I absolutely love this computer. There are only a couple issues that I have with it.
1. It has to warm up a bit when you first turn it on.
2. On occasion it will play random eighties music from no discernible source.
3. Once instead of eighties music it decided to play the sound from a 1960's documentary called "The Homosexuals"
Those are the only three issues I have with my computer. I don't really mind them, but the last two are relatively disturbing at times. I'm pretty sure Spyke had some sort of subliminal messaging in mind when he built it.
THE DVD PLAYER
For years the only DVD player we had was a piece of crap that one of our aunts gave us for Christmas. This thing worked fine until my sister broke the remote. From then on we cold only do stuff with the buttons on the player itself. Now that wasn't even much of a problem until it decided that it was going to start rejecting random DVDs for no apparent reason. Almost anytime you put a disk in the machine it said, "no disk." You'd have to stick it in several times in order to get it to play. For some reason I was one of the few people that could get it to work. Whether it's because I'm incredibly stubborn would try dozens of times before giving up or that the thing just liked me for some reason, I don't know. We recently got a new DVD player that runs awesomely or well it did until Liz used it. Upon the first time my sister used it, the thing lost it's ability to fast forward or rewind. It can no longer be done.
THE SATELLITE RECEIVER
We get Dish Network satellite and it's one of the few things that remains functional in our house. The only problem is that Liz broke off the power button. If we don't have to remote (which by the way we've replaced more time than we can count) we can't turn on or off the satellite receiver. Also, whenever any time there is movement nest to it the signal to go fuzzy.
THE TV
Last week we got a new TV and there has yet to be any issues with it. The one before this one was a tube TV. This one was just getting old so the picture was going due to no fault of my family, but there were other problems created by my family. Like the satellite receiver my sister broke the power button off so we had to use the remote. I'm waiting in fear of what my family will do to the new TV.
THE CAR
This next one was just brutal. Not even something that is just a random happenstance. This would be my dad's disregard for anything he doesn't know how to use. In the Subaru Outback we had before I rolled it (see The Perfect Ending), We had some really nice speakers. It had one really nice sound system that my dad methodically murdered. Whenever he drove down our dusty dirt road on a warm day he'd roll the window down filling the car, it's CD slot and speakers with dust. That was the first step. The second step was reenacting. For all of his civil war reenacting adventures he'd have to transport tent poles and what not. He couldn't tie them on top of the car because that was reserved for his period accurate flag pole. Instead he shoved them down between the seats and the door and impaled the speakers. It wasn't even just once he did it multiple times. Step three was jamming the sky lights. When we first got it you could open the window covering and just look up at the sky with out actually opening the window. He jammed it so that it only opened when he opened the window. Step four was the cup holders. Not an overly important part, but none the less annoying. In the back seat the cup holders folded down. They got misaligned slightly so they were jammed. Instead of realigning them or fixing them in anyway like a normal person would, he just ripped them out.
THE TECHNOLOGY MURDERERS
MY MOM
My mom isn't as much of an issue as the rest of my family, but on occasion she gets to thinking that she's knows more than she does and usually causes more problems.
MY DAD
Refuses to learn how to properly use something. He just destroys it instead or asks people at ungodly hours to do it for him.
MY YOUNGER SISTER
Knows what she is doing, but technology just absolutely refuses to work properly for her.
MY GRANDMA
Usually has a pretty good idea of what she's doing, but on occasion gets confused about what is what and will have something running that she doesn't need or want.
P.S.
THE VACUUM CLEANER
As soon as I first posted this I went downstairs to vacuum like my mom asked. I changed the bag then when I went to turn it on again nothing happened. The light still worked but the vacuum made not even the slightest attempt to suck anything up. And now that I think about it I have had several vacuum cleaners quit while I was using them. I guess that I'm just not meant to clean.
MY COMPUTER
My younger sister, Liz, whenever she touches my computer it absolutely refuses to work properly. In fact this morning it even froze when she just walked in the room. My mom also has this obnoxious ability. It's for this reason that my family always complains about how slow my computer is. The thing is it runs perfectly fine when I use it. My friend, Spyke, built it for me my sophomore year. I absolutely love this computer. There are only a couple issues that I have with it.
1. It has to warm up a bit when you first turn it on.
2. On occasion it will play random eighties music from no discernible source.
3. Once instead of eighties music it decided to play the sound from a 1960's documentary called "The Homosexuals"
Those are the only three issues I have with my computer. I don't really mind them, but the last two are relatively disturbing at times. I'm pretty sure Spyke had some sort of subliminal messaging in mind when he built it.
THE DVD PLAYER
For years the only DVD player we had was a piece of crap that one of our aunts gave us for Christmas. This thing worked fine until my sister broke the remote. From then on we cold only do stuff with the buttons on the player itself. Now that wasn't even much of a problem until it decided that it was going to start rejecting random DVDs for no apparent reason. Almost anytime you put a disk in the machine it said, "no disk." You'd have to stick it in several times in order to get it to play. For some reason I was one of the few people that could get it to work. Whether it's because I'm incredibly stubborn would try dozens of times before giving up or that the thing just liked me for some reason, I don't know. We recently got a new DVD player that runs awesomely or well it did until Liz used it. Upon the first time my sister used it, the thing lost it's ability to fast forward or rewind. It can no longer be done.
THE SATELLITE RECEIVER
We get Dish Network satellite and it's one of the few things that remains functional in our house. The only problem is that Liz broke off the power button. If we don't have to remote (which by the way we've replaced more time than we can count) we can't turn on or off the satellite receiver. Also, whenever any time there is movement nest to it the signal to go fuzzy.
THE TV
Last week we got a new TV and there has yet to be any issues with it. The one before this one was a tube TV. This one was just getting old so the picture was going due to no fault of my family, but there were other problems created by my family. Like the satellite receiver my sister broke the power button off so we had to use the remote. I'm waiting in fear of what my family will do to the new TV.
THE CAR
This next one was just brutal. Not even something that is just a random happenstance. This would be my dad's disregard for anything he doesn't know how to use. In the Subaru Outback we had before I rolled it (see The Perfect Ending), We had some really nice speakers. It had one really nice sound system that my dad methodically murdered. Whenever he drove down our dusty dirt road on a warm day he'd roll the window down filling the car, it's CD slot and speakers with dust. That was the first step. The second step was reenacting. For all of his civil war reenacting adventures he'd have to transport tent poles and what not. He couldn't tie them on top of the car because that was reserved for his period accurate flag pole. Instead he shoved them down between the seats and the door and impaled the speakers. It wasn't even just once he did it multiple times. Step three was jamming the sky lights. When we first got it you could open the window covering and just look up at the sky with out actually opening the window. He jammed it so that it only opened when he opened the window. Step four was the cup holders. Not an overly important part, but none the less annoying. In the back seat the cup holders folded down. They got misaligned slightly so they were jammed. Instead of realigning them or fixing them in anyway like a normal person would, he just ripped them out.
THE TECHNOLOGY MURDERERS
MY MOM
My mom isn't as much of an issue as the rest of my family, but on occasion she gets to thinking that she's knows more than she does and usually causes more problems.
MY DAD
Refuses to learn how to properly use something. He just destroys it instead or asks people at ungodly hours to do it for him.
MY YOUNGER SISTER
Knows what she is doing, but technology just absolutely refuses to work properly for her.
MY GRANDMA
Usually has a pretty good idea of what she's doing, but on occasion gets confused about what is what and will have something running that she doesn't need or want.
P.S.
THE VACUUM CLEANER
As soon as I first posted this I went downstairs to vacuum like my mom asked. I changed the bag then when I went to turn it on again nothing happened. The light still worked but the vacuum made not even the slightest attempt to suck anything up. And now that I think about it I have had several vacuum cleaners quit while I was using them. I guess that I'm just not meant to clean.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Beowulf Vs. Dragon Ball
WARNING: Contains an incredible amount of nerd!
Beowulf is one of the more famous epic heroes. At the beginning of the epic poem Beowulf is in his youth. He has incredible strength and fighting skill. From the beginning he's got some pretty bad ass skills and doesn't really have to train much in order to beat the crap out of the giant monster, Grendel.
At the beginning of Dragon Ball, Goku is a tiny little kid that also kicks mega ass. When the series first starts out, Goku, is running all over the place beating the crap out of anything can find. Stuff like giant fish and dinosaurs. He even takes down a car when Bulma nearly runs over him. And he even survives being shot a few times. This kid is pretty much indestructible.
While Beowulf mostly uses his power of freakish strength to kick monster ass, he does so in order to help others. Goku does this too. More than a few times, Goku saves people by beating up some over powered monster/alien person. Beowulf has at least got a whole army of solders to help him out if he needs it. Even if it's just to use as monster bait. Goku on the other hand only has a few random and mostly useless friends that he travels with and rescues often.
Basically everything that happens in the middle of Beowulf's life was deemed as so uneventful that no one cared enough to write it down.The last part of Beowulf is when he's old and wise and some huge ass dragon decides it's a good idea to attack Geatland (Beowulf's country). Beowulf of course has to go and kill this thing, but rather than kick it's ass by himself he tries to enlist the help of his men. His men basically run away like a flock of pigeons and he gets injured then dies after he defeats the monstrous beast.
Dragon Ball Z shows Goku as grown up. He's no longer this tiny little completely oblivious kid. He actually knows what's going on in the world. Goku gets a few more bad ass friends than he previously had and actually works with the to kick some ass, but still does most of it by himself. At some point Goku is killed by one of the many bad guys he fights, but manages to fight his way back to life.
Pretty much both Beowulf and Goku are the perfect heroes, with super strength and fighting skill. They use these extraordinary powers to kick bad guy butt in order to keep peace on earth.
Beowulf is one of the more famous epic heroes. At the beginning of the epic poem Beowulf is in his youth. He has incredible strength and fighting skill. From the beginning he's got some pretty bad ass skills and doesn't really have to train much in order to beat the crap out of the giant monster, Grendel.
At the beginning of Dragon Ball, Goku is a tiny little kid that also kicks mega ass. When the series first starts out, Goku, is running all over the place beating the crap out of anything can find. Stuff like giant fish and dinosaurs. He even takes down a car when Bulma nearly runs over him. And he even survives being shot a few times. This kid is pretty much indestructible.
While Beowulf mostly uses his power of freakish strength to kick monster ass, he does so in order to help others. Goku does this too. More than a few times, Goku saves people by beating up some over powered monster/alien person. Beowulf has at least got a whole army of solders to help him out if he needs it. Even if it's just to use as monster bait. Goku on the other hand only has a few random and mostly useless friends that he travels with and rescues often.
Basically everything that happens in the middle of Beowulf's life was deemed as so uneventful that no one cared enough to write it down.The last part of Beowulf is when he's old and wise and some huge ass dragon decides it's a good idea to attack Geatland (Beowulf's country). Beowulf of course has to go and kill this thing, but rather than kick it's ass by himself he tries to enlist the help of his men. His men basically run away like a flock of pigeons and he gets injured then dies after he defeats the monstrous beast.
Dragon Ball Z shows Goku as grown up. He's no longer this tiny little completely oblivious kid. He actually knows what's going on in the world. Goku gets a few more bad ass friends than he previously had and actually works with the to kick some ass, but still does most of it by himself. At some point Goku is killed by one of the many bad guys he fights, but manages to fight his way back to life.
Pretty much both Beowulf and Goku are the perfect heroes, with super strength and fighting skill. They use these extraordinary powers to kick bad guy butt in order to keep peace on earth.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The Holidays
In my family, the Holidays are the time of year when we trudge through snow in our backyard looking for the perfect Christmas tree, make candy cane cookies, have guests over for tea, and of course have mindless freak outs. Around the holidays I get yelled at a lot. Today alone, I have been yelled to watch out for the train every time I walked past the tree, yelled at to stop stuffing my face when all was doing was eating one peanut butter cookie, and a few other things that aren't really important.
Last night my sister had a major freak out about decorating the house. While she was trying to put a garland of wooden cranberries on the stairwell. She couldn't find the tape so she freaked out. I gave her ribbon and told her to just tie it. It slipped out of her hand so she freaked out. I had walked away because I was about to go feed the animals so she freaked out and smacked me on the shoulder.
In the next week while me and my sister finish up finals, I'm sure there will be plenty of other freak outs and yelling matches. Some will be about wrapping paper others about garland and ribbon and I'm almost positive there will be more yelling at me because I have the potential to break something.
My family honestly needs to learn the meaning of relax. You don't have to make the garland look perfect. Heck, you don't even have to put it up. The tree looks fine. I won't step on the train. I will not knock the nativity set off of the shelf. Lighting a candle will not burn down the house. And I promise that I will not send my yo-yo flying into the new TV.
Last night my sister had a major freak out about decorating the house. While she was trying to put a garland of wooden cranberries on the stairwell. She couldn't find the tape so she freaked out. I gave her ribbon and told her to just tie it. It slipped out of her hand so she freaked out. I had walked away because I was about to go feed the animals so she freaked out and smacked me on the shoulder.
In the next week while me and my sister finish up finals, I'm sure there will be plenty of other freak outs and yelling matches. Some will be about wrapping paper others about garland and ribbon and I'm almost positive there will be more yelling at me because I have the potential to break something.
My family honestly needs to learn the meaning of relax. You don't have to make the garland look perfect. Heck, you don't even have to put it up. The tree looks fine. I won't step on the train. I will not knock the nativity set off of the shelf. Lighting a candle will not burn down the house. And I promise that I will not send my yo-yo flying into the new TV.
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