Is it just me or has Cartoon Network declared war on classic cartoons? Don't get me wrong. I love cartoons, always have and always will, but a lot of the ones that are being remade are terrible. I spent my childhood watching cartoons and still spend more time than I should admit watching them. Hanna-Barbara cartoons alone make up at least half my cartoon related thoughts. The old cartoons were great because everyone could enjoy them.
The old Tom & Jerry covered everything. There was wonderous amounts of slapstick for everyone to enjoy. There was situational comedy. There was even comedy of manners (for those of you that don't know that's the highest form of comedy) shoved into these short mostly nonverbal surprisingly ungraphic, but ridiculously violent cartoons. They were genius.
Then Cartoon Network decided they had to keep resurrecting the poor show until even it's hoping to die. It doesn't matter whether they're on the mars, a pirate ship, or working for a magician you just can't make a two hour movie out of Tom & Jerry. It's boring and even the best slapstick gets old after awhile. The old ones worked because they were to the point and funny. The new ones don't because they're trying too hard to exist. They're dragging out the same story line for so long no one cares anymore. If you're gonna show a kid Tom & Jerry, please show him/her the classic ones.
Worse than that, Cartoon Network is destroying Looney Tunes. The old ones with Bugs in drag duping everyone, Wile E. Coyote trying too hard, and that one really annoying rooster who gets kidnapped by the tiny chicken hawk, are no longer the same. They have been revamped into what is called the Looney Tunes Show. It's like the writers once saw a picture of the characters with a half assed biography and decided to write a terrible sitcom. (Actually that's exactly what it is.) There's no Bugs in drag (at least not in any of the snippets I cringed through), they've completely butchered the personalities of the characters, and seriously what's the point of Daffy and Bugs if they're not trying to convince Elmer Fudd to blow the other one's head off? Please please please. If you're going to show your kid Looney Tunes, show them actual Looney Tunes. I'm begging you.
The ultimate crime against classic cartoons, however, is that of Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated. It is like the Scooby Gang's arch enemy got license to write about them. (Basically like what happened to Edgar Allen Poe. Look it up.) I am damn right depressed at the thought of children growing up thinking of this when someone mentions Scooby Doo. In future generations, no one will want to dress up as Velma, Daphne, Fred, or Shaggy for Halloween. Few thoughts are that depressing.
The classic ones were fun. Silly and light hearted. The same every time, but that's how cartoons work. The characters at the very least had brains. I don't care if you don't like the classic Scooby Doo (but if that's the case; What the hell is wrong with you?), but you at the very least should appreciate the fact that the characters aren't stupid. Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated sucked out everything about Scooby Doo that was awesome and replaced it with drrrrrrrrrr. I'm not even kidding.
Velma who was once the brains and most levelheaded of the group is now an irrationally angry slightly psychotic girlfriend who's pressuring Shaggy into the next step (not even sex, but just telling their friends). Fred who, while not the smartest, at least had something in his head, is now just a dude obsessed with traps. That literally is his personality. Daphne is just a girl who does nothing, but chase after Fred; trying just about anything to make him forget about traps and notice her. Shaggy and Scooby are about the same because messing too much with them is asking to be assassinated.
Who ever wrote this show sucked out the traveling around in a van, the actual solving of individual mysteries, and all the fun. Instead of traveling the world they stay in Coolsville. Instead of multiple mysteries there's this one nagging mystery involving some previous group of teens called Mystery Inc. With all this added space now that they don't have to do anything interesting, they just have annoying teen drama pitty parties. This show is like listening to a thirteen year old complain about everything.
The worse part is that there are no longer strong female characters. Sure Velma's kinda maybe possibly smart (actually no no she's not), but we don't see it in action because she's too busy bitching at Shaggy. At least in the old cartoons I cared if the saw hacked up Daphne. Now I kind of just hope there's somehow a disaster that leads to everyone's demise in a Quentin Tarantino blood bath sort of way.
If you let your kids watch these shows and don't at least show them the classics, "Parenting you're doing it wrong."
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