Outhouse Usage

"If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight, you might be a redneck." ~Jeff Foxworthy

At our family ranch in Wyoming, there is no running water. This means an outhouse is the only form of toilet. It's not terrible, but it's not wonderful either. I must admit, that there are times when it is a giant pain in the ass in combination with the other features of the ranch.

Let's say it's 2:00am and you just woke up having to pee. This creates a few problems.
1. You need shoes
2. You need a flashlight
3. You can't turn on a light to locate these two items
It's not that there's no electricity because there is. The problem is that everyone is asleep in the one room cabin shed thing. If you turn on the light there will be a massives amount of groaning, grumbling, yelling, and death glares headed your way. So, what you do is lay there. You try to ignore it and go back to sleep. This inevitably will fail and you'll be forced to get up anyways.
You drag yourself up to a sitting possition and wiggle your way out of your sleeping bag. At this point it's decision making time.

Step 1.What do you currently have on your feet?
If it's socks, you can walk out to the outhouse quite comfortably. If it's barefeet your going to need shoes. With socks, you can pull them off before wiggling back into your sleeping bag, having no issue whatsoever. With bare feet, the dirt with find it's way into your sleeping bag matter how hard you try otherwise.

Step 2. How well can you see?
Is the moonlight bright enough that if you leave the door open you'll be able to see what your doing or do you need to find a light?

Once you've determined what you'll need, you get to find it.

Step 3. (Optional) (Only necessary if you can't see) You're shoes will likely be near your cot, so just kick around all the side until your foot collides with them. (Don't do this violently. Your foot is just as likely to collide with a table or chair.)

Step 4. If your lucky, you or someone else will have left a flashlight on the table next to your cot. If not, hopefully it's next to the door. If it's not either of those places, you might have to pee in the dark or risk waking everyone up with a lamp.

Once you come back from the outhouse, there's a fairly good chance your sleeping bag will have blown off your cot by the fan or just wind in general.