I have decent reflexes. I'm pretty sure that's what's keeping me alive. My clumsiness would have won a long time ago if it weren't for my reflexes. Trust me though they lack any form of perfection. My reflexes like to take random vacation days without any warning. Sometimes, I will do something totally awesome with my reflexes. These are my ninja moments. Other times, My reflexes will do me absolutely no good and I will have a not so ninja moment.
Ninja Moments:
1. While at a candy store with my mom she dropped the bag of chocolate covered raisins. I caught them while the bag was falling upside down without anything keeping the top shut. The best part: Not a single piece fell out of the bag.
2. While rock climbing (without ropes) The rock I had my foot on fell away. I secured my self on the next rock without any injury. The rock I was previously standing on, proceeded to crash down the mountain murdering several bushes in the process.
3. While coming back on a trail I stepped down onto one of the steps slid on gravel and was launched off the step. I landed on my feet perfectly unharmed two steps down from where I slid on the gravel.
4. While at a friends house, I stepped on the one part of the step that, unknown to me, was broken. I proceeded to fall, but caught myself in a matrix style pose without touching the ground with my hands.
In-between Moments:
1. Was running out of the kitchen when the dog got in my way. I leaped over her and landed perfectly. I then took one step tripped over my grandmother's oxygen hose and fell on my face.
Not So Ninja Moments:
1. While helping carry in groceries, I picked up a bottle of V8 V fusion juice. It then slipped out of my hand leading to it bouncing around my hands for about twenty seconds as I tried to get a grip on it. It then crashed forward out of my hands and landed on the concrete cap first. The cap split in a half and about a third of the bottle came gushing out onto my mother's pants and shoes, not to mention the floor. The best part: it was a deep purple color. It turned my mom's shoes pink and made the entire room smell like fruit even after we cleaned it up.
2. While walking along a slightly muddy path at The Grand Tetons, I attempted to step around a giant mud pile. I slipped and slid down the hill. I attempted to stand up and was almost completely standing when I slipped and slid further down the hill. (This particular one caused me to borrow a towel from a kind couple and eventually led to me changing in the RV of some strange old ladies.)
3. While hiking, I attempted to walk up a gravel covered hill. I slipped and stuck my hand out to catch myself. It landed perfectly in a cactus. I stood plucked the cactus out of my hand and continued up the hill. I slipped again, stuck my hand out, and with out fail there was another cactus. (It's been a week since then. I'm still picking cactus out of my hand.)
4. While running in the high school auditorium I tripped, fell and did a perfect anime style face slide. Feet over my head and everything. (To this day, this is the fail I'm most proud of.)
If you would like to read more of my not so ninja moments you can find them in the post Ways In Which I Get Injured. I believe it's in the August 2011 posts.
Showing posts with label Clumsy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Clumsy. Show all posts
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Ways in Which I Get Injured
Being a klutz is one thing most kids grow out of once they grow into their feet. I either have outgrown my feet or some invisible creature is really enjoying themselves. Despite years of ballet, figure skating, Scottish dance, and gymnastics as a small child, I seamed to have avoided all grace attempts made by my parents. My two sisters however managed to bypass the wonderful world of Klutz. I am living proof that putting your daughter in ballet as soon as she can walk will not make her any less clumsy.
Ways in which I've been injured:
1. Broke my right collar bone by falling out of my booster seat to the left side.
2. Broke my left collar bone by crashing into the stove which was on my right side.
3. Pulled my shoulder out of it's socket by picking up a wool blanket
4. Sprained my ankle on the fourth of July and don't have a clue how it happened.
5. Did a perfect trip fall and cartoon slide on my face down the ramp in the school auditorium.
6. Got elbowed in the face playing laptag (see Slang) at my seventeenth birthday party and broke my nose.
7. Accidentally got punched in the face while sitting on my friends couch at his eighteenth birthday party. This re-broke my nose and straightened it after I broke it at my seventeenth birthday party.
8. Dislocated my collar bone playing volley carton (see Slang).
9. Walked into the same pole three days in a row all three times while my friend was telling me to watch out for it.
10. Fell down the stairs on Christmas morning while carrying my cat. (resulted in a bruised butt as well as several claw marks)
11. While climbing on the bathroom sink to get something I couldn't reach in the medicine cabinet, I fell off and scraped my stomach on the corner of the sink.
12. While climbing a tree, the branch broke and I slid down the tree ripping my pants, underwear and shirt on the jagged nub of a branch that was left.
13. Received a black eye from the table when my dad tried to push in the chair I was sitting on. I was sitting on the edge and it flipped forward causing me to smack my face on the corner of the table.
14. Was sitting outside having a picnic with my family and when it started to rain. A rain drop fell into my cup right as I took a drink causing lemonade to splash into my eye.
15. On the fourth of July a piece of a firework landed on my foot catching my shoe on fire. The guy next to me stomped on my foot and put the fire out.
16. My hair caught fire when I got to close to a candle while the power was out. (one of the reasons I don't have long hair anymore)
17. Hit the oven mitt off the top of the oven when taking out a lasagna, thus lighting it on fire.
18. Hit my bare hand off the top of the oven while taking foil off the top of a lasagna.
19. Almost dropped the lasagna, but gained control of it without having to catch it with my bare hand. I then sat it down on the counter and accidentally bumped my bare hand on the corner of the pan.
20. While playing with my cat her claw went up my nose and ripped through the outside of my nostril.
21. Burned my hand by accidentally grabbing the hot part of the hotdog roaster.
22. The legs of the stool I was sitting on suddenly gave way launching me backwards into the closet door which I then broke with my freakishly hard head.
23. Crashed into my friend, flipped over her shoulder and landed head first on cement. I received a lump on the head and the cement was cracked.
24. Broke my glasses by putting my hand on the side of my head during math class. (not technically an injury, but still quite ridiculous)
25. Got pegged in the face by a basket ball three times in one fifteen minute game of catch. (resulted in broken glasses)
26. Sprained my pinky on a friends jacket while playing tag.
27. Bruised my ribs when a friend flopped on my stomach.
28. Crashed into my grandpa's station wagon while sledding.
29.Crashed my bicycle while trying to teach my little sister how to ride. (resulted in her never trying to ride one again)
30. While playing kickball during gym class I got elbowed in the jaw and was sent skidding back a good three feet. Thanks to the sprained jaw I received, I can no longer chew gum. Also my jaw can only open half as far as before and it clicks when I do so.
31. Jammed my knee cap by smacking my knee off of the trunk in my algebra teacher's classroom.
32. Scraped the side of my neck on a branch while falling out of a tree (oddly enough received no other injury).
33. Older sister accidentally slammed a car door on my fingers.
34. Took a chunk of flesh out of the side of my foot by stepping on the edge of a broken bolt on my grandma's doll buggy.
35. Stepped on a rusty coat hanger which went into my foot a good inch.
36. I constantly hit my head off the cupboard above the stove. It's at the perfect location where I collide with it at least once a week.
37. I have a lightning bolt scar on my right pinky because during a water fight my sister accidentally shoved a broken glass into my finger when I stuck my hand up to keep from getting splashed in the face.
38. I did a belly flop on my deck by falling off the railing I was trying to sit on.
39. I had to run to catch the bus with a brake drum in my bag. It was banging against my knee which swelled up to twice its size. (I had the brake drum because I was supposed to use it as a musical instrument in a band competition the next day.)
40. Slid into a nearby wall while playing Duck Duck Goose. (Note: This didn't occur when I was little, but only a few weeks ago at my friends eighteenth birthday party.)
I have injured myself many more times but these just happen to be the most ridiculous of them. I of course do everyday clumsy thing such as break dishes, stub my toe, trip, etc. If I were to list all my injuries we'd be here for quite a long while seeing as I injure myself in minor ways almost everyday.
Ways in which I've been injured:
1. Broke my right collar bone by falling out of my booster seat to the left side.
2. Broke my left collar bone by crashing into the stove which was on my right side.
3. Pulled my shoulder out of it's socket by picking up a wool blanket
4. Sprained my ankle on the fourth of July and don't have a clue how it happened.
5. Did a perfect trip fall and cartoon slide on my face down the ramp in the school auditorium.
6. Got elbowed in the face playing laptag (see Slang) at my seventeenth birthday party and broke my nose.
7. Accidentally got punched in the face while sitting on my friends couch at his eighteenth birthday party. This re-broke my nose and straightened it after I broke it at my seventeenth birthday party.
8. Dislocated my collar bone playing volley carton (see Slang).
9. Walked into the same pole three days in a row all three times while my friend was telling me to watch out for it.
10. Fell down the stairs on Christmas morning while carrying my cat. (resulted in a bruised butt as well as several claw marks)
11. While climbing on the bathroom sink to get something I couldn't reach in the medicine cabinet, I fell off and scraped my stomach on the corner of the sink.
12. While climbing a tree, the branch broke and I slid down the tree ripping my pants, underwear and shirt on the jagged nub of a branch that was left.
13. Received a black eye from the table when my dad tried to push in the chair I was sitting on. I was sitting on the edge and it flipped forward causing me to smack my face on the corner of the table.
14. Was sitting outside having a picnic with my family and when it started to rain. A rain drop fell into my cup right as I took a drink causing lemonade to splash into my eye.
15. On the fourth of July a piece of a firework landed on my foot catching my shoe on fire. The guy next to me stomped on my foot and put the fire out.
16. My hair caught fire when I got to close to a candle while the power was out. (one of the reasons I don't have long hair anymore)
17. Hit the oven mitt off the top of the oven when taking out a lasagna, thus lighting it on fire.
18. Hit my bare hand off the top of the oven while taking foil off the top of a lasagna.
19. Almost dropped the lasagna, but gained control of it without having to catch it with my bare hand. I then sat it down on the counter and accidentally bumped my bare hand on the corner of the pan.
20. While playing with my cat her claw went up my nose and ripped through the outside of my nostril.
21. Burned my hand by accidentally grabbing the hot part of the hotdog roaster.
22. The legs of the stool I was sitting on suddenly gave way launching me backwards into the closet door which I then broke with my freakishly hard head.
23. Crashed into my friend, flipped over her shoulder and landed head first on cement. I received a lump on the head and the cement was cracked.
24. Broke my glasses by putting my hand on the side of my head during math class. (not technically an injury, but still quite ridiculous)
25. Got pegged in the face by a basket ball three times in one fifteen minute game of catch. (resulted in broken glasses)
26. Sprained my pinky on a friends jacket while playing tag.
27. Bruised my ribs when a friend flopped on my stomach.
28. Crashed into my grandpa's station wagon while sledding.
29.Crashed my bicycle while trying to teach my little sister how to ride. (resulted in her never trying to ride one again)
30. While playing kickball during gym class I got elbowed in the jaw and was sent skidding back a good three feet. Thanks to the sprained jaw I received, I can no longer chew gum. Also my jaw can only open half as far as before and it clicks when I do so.
31. Jammed my knee cap by smacking my knee off of the trunk in my algebra teacher's classroom.
32. Scraped the side of my neck on a branch while falling out of a tree (oddly enough received no other injury).
33. Older sister accidentally slammed a car door on my fingers.
34. Took a chunk of flesh out of the side of my foot by stepping on the edge of a broken bolt on my grandma's doll buggy.
35. Stepped on a rusty coat hanger which went into my foot a good inch.
36. I constantly hit my head off the cupboard above the stove. It's at the perfect location where I collide with it at least once a week.
37. I have a lightning bolt scar on my right pinky because during a water fight my sister accidentally shoved a broken glass into my finger when I stuck my hand up to keep from getting splashed in the face.
38. I did a belly flop on my deck by falling off the railing I was trying to sit on.
39. I had to run to catch the bus with a brake drum in my bag. It was banging against my knee which swelled up to twice its size. (I had the brake drum because I was supposed to use it as a musical instrument in a band competition the next day.)
40. Slid into a nearby wall while playing Duck Duck Goose. (Note: This didn't occur when I was little, but only a few weeks ago at my friends eighteenth birthday party.)
I have injured myself many more times but these just happen to be the most ridiculous of them. I of course do everyday clumsy thing such as break dishes, stub my toe, trip, etc. If I were to list all my injuries we'd be here for quite a long while seeing as I injure myself in minor ways almost everyday.
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