Ways in Which I Get Injured

Being a klutz is one thing most kids grow out of once they grow into their feet. I either have outgrown my feet or some invisible creature is really enjoying themselves. Despite years of ballet, figure skating, Scottish dance, and gymnastics as a small child, I seamed to have avoided all grace attempts made by my parents. My two sisters however managed to bypass the wonderful world of Klutz. I am living proof that putting your daughter in ballet as soon as she can walk will not make her any less clumsy.

Ways in which I've been injured:

1. Broke my right collar bone by falling out of my booster seat to the left side.

2. Broke my left collar bone by crashing into the stove which was on my right side.

3. Pulled my shoulder out of it's socket by picking up a wool blanket

4. Sprained my ankle on the fourth of July and don't have a clue how it happened.

5. Did a perfect trip fall and cartoon slide on my face down the ramp in the school auditorium.

6. Got elbowed in the face playing laptag (see Slang) at my seventeenth birthday party and broke my nose.

7. Accidentally got punched in the face while sitting on my friends couch at his eighteenth birthday party. This re-broke my nose and straightened it after I broke it at my seventeenth birthday party.

8. Dislocated my collar bone playing volley carton (see Slang).

9. Walked into the same pole three days in a row all three times while my friend was telling me to watch out for it.

10. Fell down the stairs on Christmas morning while carrying my cat. (resulted in a bruised butt as well as several claw marks)

11. While climbing on the bathroom sink to get something I couldn't reach in the medicine cabinet, I fell off and scraped my stomach on the corner of the sink.

12. While climbing a tree, the branch broke and I slid down the tree ripping my pants, underwear and shirt on the jagged nub of a branch that was left.

13. Received a black eye from the table when my dad tried to push in the chair I was sitting on. I was sitting on the edge and it flipped forward causing me to smack my face on the corner of the table.

14. Was sitting outside having a picnic with my family and when it started to rain. A rain drop fell into my cup right as I took a drink causing lemonade to splash into my eye.

15. On the fourth of July a piece of a firework landed on my foot catching my shoe on fire. The guy next to me stomped on my foot and put the fire out.

16. My hair caught fire when I got to close to a candle while the power was out. (one of the reasons I don't have long hair anymore)

17. Hit the oven mitt off the top of the oven when taking out a lasagna, thus lighting it on fire.

18. Hit my bare hand off the top of the oven while taking foil off the top of a lasagna.

19. Almost dropped the lasagna, but gained control of it without having to catch it with my bare hand. I then sat it down on the counter and accidentally bumped my bare hand on the corner of the pan.

20. While playing with my cat her claw went up my nose and ripped through the outside of my nostril.

21. Burned my hand by accidentally grabbing the hot part of the hotdog roaster.

22. The legs of the stool I was sitting on suddenly gave way launching me backwards into the closet door which I then broke with my freakishly hard head.

23. Crashed into my friend, flipped over her shoulder and landed head first on cement. I received a lump on the head and the cement was cracked.

24. Broke my glasses by putting my hand on the side of my head during math class. (not technically an injury, but still quite ridiculous)

25. Got pegged in the face by a basket ball three times in one fifteen minute game of catch. (resulted in broken glasses)

26. Sprained my pinky on a friends jacket while playing tag.

27. Bruised my ribs when a friend flopped on my stomach.

28. Crashed into my grandpa's station wagon while sledding.

29.Crashed my bicycle while trying to teach my little sister how to ride. (resulted in her never trying to ride one again)

30. While playing kickball during gym class I got elbowed in the jaw and was sent skidding back a good three feet. Thanks to the sprained jaw I received, I can no longer chew gum. Also my jaw can only open half as far as before and it clicks when I do so.

31. Jammed my knee cap by smacking my knee off of the trunk in my algebra teacher's classroom.

32. Scraped the side of my neck on a branch while falling out of a tree (oddly enough received no other injury).

33. Older sister accidentally slammed a car door on my fingers.

34. Took a chunk of flesh out of the side of my foot by stepping on the edge of a broken bolt on my grandma's doll buggy. 

35. Stepped on a rusty coat hanger which went into my foot a good inch.

36. I constantly hit my head off the cupboard above the stove. It's at the perfect location where I collide with it at least once a week.

37. I have a lightning bolt scar on my right pinky because during a water fight my sister accidentally shoved a broken glass into my finger when I stuck my hand up to keep from getting splashed in the face.

38. I did a belly flop on my deck by falling off the railing I was trying to sit on.

39. I had to run to catch the bus with a brake drum in my bag. It was banging against my knee which swelled up to twice its size. (I had the brake drum because I was supposed to use it as a musical instrument in a band competition the next day.)

40. Slid into a nearby wall while playing Duck Duck Goose. (Note: This didn't occur when I was little, but only a few weeks ago at my friends eighteenth birthday party.)

I have injured myself many more times but these just happen to be the most ridiculous of them. I of course do everyday clumsy thing such as break dishes, stub my toe, trip, etc. If I were to list all my injuries we'd be here for quite a long while seeing as I injure myself in minor ways almost everyday.