Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Wonderful World of Dork Sports

So school starts in a little less than a week. This means that laptag season is coming to a close and the season for volley carton and tote kinder begins. Here are the official rules for the sports we play.

Laptag
Must have at least five players otherwise don't even bother playing.
One person stands in the center and everyone else pairs up. Once you have a partner, you sit one partner in front of the other. The person in front will be trying to tag the person who stands in the center while the person in back tries to stop them from doing so. The person in the center will call the people who are in front to come and tag him/her.
When the person in the center gets tagged, the round is over and the person that tagged them is that person's  partner and the person that was partners with the tagger is now in the center. All the people who are paired up now switch places. The person who was in back is now in front and vise versa.
Warning: This game can get seriously violent when people get into it. So protect your face.


Volley Carton
Can have any number of players, but if you have at least two it's actually fun.
All you need is an empty school lunch sized milk carton.
All players sit in a circle. One person tosses the carton up and everyone tries to keep it from hitting the ground.
That's all there is to it. There is no actuall way of winning the game, but it is quite likely you might get hit if you are the one to let it hit the ground.
Warning: When diving be aware of you surroundings.

ABS!!!
This is one of the strangest sports we play.
The first stage of this is simply abs. When someone lifts up their shirt just far enough that you can see their stomach while they yell, "abs," you must run backwards until you collide with the next solid object. If the person you are absing does abs at the same time a you the original abs was canceled out. This brings us to stage two.
Stage two is unicorns. You turn around and expose your lower back while yelling, "unicorns" and it has the same effect as abs. If two people unicorn at the same time the unicorn is canceled out and you move on to stage three.
Stage three is pelvic thrust. You turn back around and face you opponent. You do a pelvic thrust (if you don't know what that is watch Rocky Horror Picture Show) while yelling, "pelvic thrust" once again having the same effect as abs. If two pelvic thrusts are done simultaneously then the pelvic thrust is canceled and you start over back at abs.
Warning: This game looks and sounds very strange to passersby so beware.

Tote Kinder
The name of this sport is German for "Dead Children." It was named this after the vice principle yelled at us to stop playing it.
Can be played with two or more people.
The object of this game is to either knock down you opponent(s) or remove their shoes.
The only guidelines are:
1. You can't use your hands.
2. If you get knocked down or loose a shoe you are out.
3. You are not allowed to retie or reposition your shoes once the came has begun.
Warning: While playing this game we have been accused of dancing as well as gotten it banned to the point where if any teacher sees us playing it they are supposed to send us straight to the office.

Soccer Carton
 Need at least two players.
This is a spin off of volley carton. It's usually played in the hallway where we choose two doors as goals.
The same rules of normal soccer apply. The only difference is not even the goalie can use their hands.
Warning; Teachers don't really like it if you play soccer outside their classroom door.

The Letter Game
Need two players or more.
Not so much a sport as an excuse to punch each other.
One letter from the alphabet is chosen. If any of the players pronounce this letter aloud they get punched in the arm by the other players.
This game is usually only played by my friends during CSAP week.
Warning: You will get massive bruises on your arm(s).

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