If I Were a Villian

Authors often base characters off of themselves, or rather a more interesting and exciting version of themselves. However, when doing so they are either the good guys, the sidekicks, or the comic relief background characters.

I thought it would be interesting to write a villain based off of myself rather than the good guy. This brought about me thinking as to what type of villain I'd be. Which brought about the realization that I'd make a horrible villain. It's not even because my morals aren't fluid enough, or because I can't think up bad ass schemes. It is because I am lazy as all hell.

I personally am not that interested in ruling the world. If say due to some strange cartoon/movie back story I am expected to try and rule the world, I would half ass it. That is if I even bothered to try.

Like This Fellow Here

I'm not much of one for trying to please my family. In fact, as I'm sure I've stated multiple times on this blog, most of them annoy the crap out of me and I couldn't care less what their expectations are.

Let's say I was actually super dedicated to ruling the world. The only way that would happen is if I came across the idea on my own and was really into the idea. I would need some sort of motivation and it would need to be something that would be incredibly fun to accomplish.

Revenge would not be much of a motivator for me. If someone were to jack up my face so that I looked like two face, I would probably be quite forgiving. Actually chances are I'd have caused it in the first place.

One scooter ride to school gone terribly wrong.

But if someone were to mess up one of my friends or close relatives, there would be hell to pay.

Drop a house on my sister and steal her shoes?! You better hope they're magical!

Now let's explore the different types of villain I would be.

1. The World Dominator
If I was actually driven to be a villain, I'd do it very much in the world domination sense.

Blowing stuff up is for amateurs.

I would go all out in my attempts. I would do everything I could think of to take over and I would succeed. The world would be one awesome place for me to control. I would seriously be one badass world dominating villain. Hell there's even a chance that due to my clumsiness I will end up with the nasty facial scars as well.

The blue skin is optional.

2. Dude With The Vendetta

I shall win your freedom from the first villain I am.

I would only be a villain to the bad guys that screwed me over previously. Which ironically enough would probably make me the good guy with loose morals. Not above killing people or stealing if it's from the bad guys.

Did Robin Hood ever kill anyone?

You can pretty much scratch the idea of me becoming a villain based on revenge. A freedom fighter or anti-hero maybe.

3. The Villains Sidekick
This is the most likely version of a villain I would be. Actually there's a pretty good chance I would be exactly like Shego from Kim Possible.

Totally not this ninja though.

More like this ninja.

Shego is one of Kim Possible's villains that actually kicks ass. She doesn't have the motivation to actually come up with a plan for world domination. She's pretty much just there watching all of Drakken's attempts ready to seize power if the opportunity arrises. And mock him with sarcastic comments. (Something I am very good at.)

Who didn't love this show?

 Even her backstory seems quite fitting as to how I could end up on the villain side of things. She has an obnoxious family that fights crime. Well, the obnoxious family part is pretty familiar at least.

Unless this is what my 84 year old grandmother does in her free time.

She turns to villainy.

Presumably because Rainbow Bright was no longer their leader.

Honestly if I had to fight crime with my siblings, I'd go crazy. While I love them dearly, I would much rather be the sidekick to a subpar villain. As I learned in the years growing up as a middle child (also like Shego), I really had no say in things. The standard order of things is eldest bosses around middle and youngest, middle bosses around youngest, youngest sucks it up. In my family, that's not the case. My older sister bossed me around and my younger sister bossed me around as well. (or at least she attempted to, then slapped me when it didn't work.)

If I were to fight crime with them, my older sister would likely choose to be the leader and my younger sister would pick second in command. I would no doubt drive my siblings insane by my not worrying about it until it happens. My older sister would drive me insane by bickering about how I didn't care enough about my job, worrying about when our nemesis will attack again, and over doing the practice. And my younger sister would likely drive us all insane when she'd get tired and hungry after a fight.

Depicted: Me (left) arguing with my older sister, but I'm actually taller than her.

There'd be constant bickering over who got to drive the Robinson Mobile (or whatever the hell we decided to creatively name it) and who got to sit shot gun. Living in a tower together would often lead to us using our assumedly badass powers on each other and as a result destroying the tower.

The Robinson Mobile
It's actually not that badass inside either.

My siblings and I are super close, but boy do we make a bad team. We couldn't even team up to fight a sink of dirty dishes.

Our Arch-nemesis.

So those are the basic ways in which I could/would become a villain. But seeing as I have very little motivation to build a doomsday device or enslave an entire population, it's not gonna happen anytime soon. More than likely I would just end up being friends with someone who either has the motivation to save the world or dominate it and would by default end up being the clumsy comic relief sidekick.

This guy with less screaming and complaining.

And taking into account my overall luck and my cloaking device, I would likely end up accidentally saving it and then going completely unnoticed for it.

You know like these people with less motivation.