Petty Arguments

The world can be burning and people will still be arguing over stupid shit. As many will without a doubt know there is a huge fire not terribly close to me, but close to many of my friends. Of course my family is worried and concerned  about it, but that doesn't sway anyone from their normal routine. We are still arguing, yelling, and blaming our problems on inanimate objects. While we're all so terribly concerned, we decided to take a break from that today and resume our normal schedule of arguing.

Petty Argument #1
Today my younger sister had the day off from her job (a fact she has stated more times than I have books). I got up at noon. Not an unfair time as far as I'm concerned and learned that I was required to do the chores, so I did them. I then chilled for a little bit. I attempted watching TV. I watched about ten minutes of Loony Tunes before my sister jacked the TV (even though she told me I could watch whatever). So I started making the lasagna for dinner. My sister started watching a movie and I informed her I was going to turn on music in the kitchen so she could either go upstairs and watch the movie in my room or on her laptop. She told me no, so of course I did so anyways. I turned it on and after yelling at me for about five minutes she slapped me in the arm and stormed upstairs.


Petty Argument #2 Giant Petty Blow-up
This evening, after dinner it was time to do the chores. I asked if my younger sister could do them, since I did them this morning. Little did I know this would spark a completely ridiculous argument. While news about the giant f-ing fire played in the background, I got to listen to my parents and sister scream at each other. (Seriously, banshees would have been preferable.) My dad (being the genius he is) decided that her reluctance to go do the chores was the result of the internet (rather than the fact that no one like to do the chores). After the yelling match, my dad told my sister she was grounded if she didn't go do them, then stormed out to go do the chores. She then stormed out to do the chores. This resulted in more yelling that, if my neighbors were ever home, might actually result in the calling of cops. My mother than came back into the living room and yelled at me to do the dishes. (Which, by the way, I had already volunteered to do.) My mother than unplugged the internet. My sister came storming back inside pissed off and crying. Then after a moment yelled at my mother about having unplugged the internet. I then did the dishes (and even put them away) and asked nicely about getting the internet back.

It amazes me how my family can put their energy towards getting overly pissed off about something like the chores when there's a huge wildfire closing in. It also amazes me how they manage to find something inanimate to blame. I promise you that problem is not and has never been the internet. Nor is it the television, the book I'm reading, or the influence of our friends. I've yet to actually see a time when being a dick helps. Nor have I seen yelling at someone for a stupid reason help. Chill is a five letter word and my family could benefit greatly from it.

Mind Reading

There seams to be a weird consensus in my family that I can read minds. I'm not quite sure where this comes from. It's baffling the amount of times I get yelled at for not doing something that no one told me about. When I mention this fact, I either get told, "It should've been obvious." or they told me when I was asleep. Neither of these work.

The should have been obvious completely baffles me. Maybe the fact that the floor needs mopped is  obvious to you, but I don't spend my days staring at the floor. I don't notice that it needs to be clean unless I walk in there and my foot sticks to the floor. Unlike you people, I don't spend my days looking for chores that need to be done. I more or less stumble upon them. When my I break the closet door because my stool breaks and I crash into it, that's when I realize me stool needed fixed. Not when it's wobbling profusely. That's just a minor inconvenience. It's the way my mind works. If a person wants me to do one of these chores that "is obvious" then they might benefit by actually telling me this.

The form of actually telling me to do something by coming into my room when I'm asleep, "waking me up" enough that I respond, then telling me something important, doesn't work. When I'm asleep, I'm asleep. Waking me up so that I respond doesn't actually work. It's a subconscious mechanism that tells you what you want to know, so you will leave me alone.

This morning my dad apparently came and told me that I needed to go do the chores. When I woke up around 2:00 this afternoon, I was surprised that no one was yelling at me to wake up. I didn't think to much of it. I just figured that my dad had decided to do the chores and let me sleep. (It does happen on occasion, believe it or not.) I showered, got dressed, and was about to head downstairs when my dad came plowing into my room.
He yelled, "Why haven't you done the chores yet?"
I responded with, "I just woke up. I figured you already did the chores."
"This is ridiculous! It's two thirty in the afternoon!"
"I figured you'd have woken me up if you wanted me to do the chores."
"I talked to you this morning!"
"Well I didn't hear you!"
That's when went outside to do the chores while me dad angrily dialed the phone. I'm assuming he called my mother because that's what he does when we have issues about the chores.

My dad's not the only one that does this. When I was little, my sisters would use this to their advantage. When they wanted to borrow something of mine, I'd make them ask. In the mornings, before I got out of bed, they'd ask me to borrow something and I being asleep would say yes. Then later, when I actually woke up, I would get pissed off because they were using my stuff.

You'd think that after eighteen years of living with me, they'd figure out that I can't read minds. I can't tell what you're saying to me when I'm asleep, and I don't find the same things obvious. It doesn't work, so let try something new. When you have something you want me to do, tell me and do so. Preferably, when I'm actually awake.

The Twilight Zone Theory

"There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Twilight Zone."

The area in which I live has an annoying lack of diversity. My friends and I have developed a theory as to why this is.

This area is the Twilight Zone. A barrier surrounds the area and no one with ethnic diversity can get in. It's not possible. That being said, you should know that one of my friends who helped develop this theory is half Arabic. How she gets away with entering is by the fact that her mother's white. The Twilight Zone gets confused when it comes to her ethnicity. It can't quite figure out what's going on. It doesn't know what to do so it leaves her alone. She doesn't have issue until she travels to another location.

Over spring break, she took a trip to Santa Fe to visit family. She got more tan than she normally is (and ended up an orange color). This threw the barrier into an outrage. It wouldn't let her back into the area. A huge snows storm formed and blocked off the interstate. She physically could not get back in. Eventually her orange tan faded enough that the Twilight Zone resumed it's normal state of confusion and she returned home.

There are people who like my friend managed to confuse the barrier long enough to slip in, but it is a rarity. You get quite the attention if you actually manage to do so. I, along with several of my friends, am quite convinced that this is the Twilight Zone.

P.S. Some people must have a special agreement with the barrier because there is never a lack of Asians at the three Asian restaurants in town.

Embarrassing Moments

Everyone has at least one moment where they were embarrassed. My most embarrassing moment tops a lot of peoples most embarrassing moments. Not everyone's, but I've yet to meet someone with a more embarrassing one.

My freshman year in art class. We were working on a charcoal unit. To start us of my teacher put an image up on screen and told us to sketch it. As time went on she focused it in more and more. At the end of the class period she told us to put our drawings up on the wall.

Next class she told us to take down our drawings and get started. Mine wasn't on the wall. I told me teacher that my drawing wasn't there. She asked me which one was mine. I told her and she nodded. She had me follow her over to her desk where she pulled my drawing out of a drawer.

She asked, "Did you do this on purpose?"

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I shook my head and said, "No."

She handed me my drawing and I headed to my desk and began working. I saw my art teacher walk over to the other teacher and I could tell that she was telling her about what had just happened. I was confused. That is, I was confused until the other art teacher yelled across the art room, "Bad Penis Girl! No more penises on the wall!"

That statement cleared my confusion until it was crystal clear and gift wrapped in a nickname. From that day on, whenever I'd pass the other art teacher she'd say something along the lines of, "I know you. You're The Penis Drawer. So, when are you gonna take my class?"

It wasn't until my senior year, when I finally took her class, that she learned my name and stopped calling me The Penis Drawer. I was so happy when she said my actual name during role call. I was actually quite amazed. Since there was another Sarah in the class, I half expected her to just call me Penis Drawer for the rest of high school. 

Mysterious Projects

When my family gets into arguments over chores, the fact that my father's not helping tends to be brought up. My mother always responds with, "He's been doing other things all day."

What are these mysterious other things that he has been doing. As far as I can tell, they involve laying on his bed fiddling with historic guns, reading about historic guns, or sleeping. Either that or they involve laying on the living room floor playing with historic guns,  watching TV about old crap (Pawn Stars, American Pickers, and Storage Wars), or sleeping. I have yet to actually witness these other things my father does.

On occasion, he does go somewhere for the day (which is nice because he's not annoying me) and then comes back having bought something from a garage sale or antique store. There are also his many projects that he supposedly works on. While you might actually see him working on these it is a rarity to see him actually finish one. These project usually include making something for reenacting or making a model of old fashioned towns.

These are the only things I see my dad working on. If these are the things that are being referred to, then I would like it if my personally artsy projects counted towards getting out of washing dishes. I'm pretty sure that there's a list of things that he needs to fix and even bought the stuff to do so. How long ago was it that he planned to fix the leak in the horse tank?

Television

Like almost anyone else in America, I like to watch television. There are some pretty good shows out there. There's also a lot of stupid shows out there, but what can you do?

I don't actually watch TV all that often because when I do I get ridiculed. Some of the shows I watch my sister and mother also appreciate. Shows like Pretty Little Liars, Friends, and Scrubs. (I can't actually think of more than those three.) Then there are the shows that I enjoy to no end, but never actually watch because everyone else complains. These are shows like Phineas and Ferb, iCarly, Victorious, Scooby Doo, and Happy Endings. (Yes, I am a major dork.)

When I watch these shows there are a few things I get to listen to. 1)"Can't we watch something other cartoons?" (usually said by my mother and means she plans on watching cooking shows) 2)"Do you want to watch (insert movie here)?" (Usually said by my sister.) 3) "This show is stupid." (Usually said by my father before he takes over and turns on some form of reality TV. (Anyone else see the irony?))

I also like to watch the bonus features on DVDs. This causes me more issues than anything else. According to my younger sister it "ruins the movie." I have given up trying to watch these when anyone else is around. It's pointless. I hear more complaining from my family than there is footage on the DVD. I have to get creative if I want to watch bonus features. I tried watching it late at night when everyone else has gone to bed and I'm in my normal night owl mode. This doesn't work. Like clockwork, at 12:30am my father comes downstairs and tells me to go to bed. Here and exact recap of the conversation I had this evening:

DAD: Don't you think you need to go to bed?
ME: Does it matter?
DAD: Yes, it matters. Maybe someone else wants to watch TV.
(I said nothing for a moment as he slowly crept back up stairs.)

My dad says that last statement quite often. Usually right before a big blow up where he commandeers the TV to watch Pawn Stars (or one of the other reality TV shows involving old useless stuff). He has an amazing ability to only want to watch TV at inconvenient times. These times include: Right in the middle of when someone else is watching a show, in the middle of the night when he turns the volume up so loud I can hear every word in my room, upstairs, with the door shut (See Timing), when it's time for a show you've been waiting all day to watch and have specifically requested to watch, etc.

A while back, about the time I wrote Saturday Night Adventure, I watched the movie But I'm A Cheerleader. I quite love this movie. Somehow, I got away with watching this movie without my dad  flipping out about the fact that it contained (actually more accurately was saturated with) homosexuality. (GAAAAASP!) I watched this movie in broad daylight with my mom and dad in the room and no one made me turn it off. My dad once made my sister turn off an episode of Felicity because it hinted at the fact that a character was gay. My theory is that he was too busy saying how stupid the movie was to actually realize what was going on in the movie.

It's quite interesting when my dad watches television. An episode of American Dad (of course not a show he would enjoy) was only stupid when people were killing each other, eating cats, torturing each other, etc., but as soon as there was a lesbian kiss the show was "morally bankrupt". During an episode of Scooby Doo Where Are You?, he gave me a twenty minute lecture of why a saw couldn't chase Daphne across the water. He made me turn off an episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day because one of the characters walked past a couple of guys making out. While watching anything of a historical setting, he will find the one inaccuracy in it and give you a twenty minute lecture on it. Most notably would be his lecture on the color of Teddy Roosevelt's cuffs in Rough Riders. (Actually, my dad was an extra in that movie and is quite visibly seen throughout it.)

The most interesting of things I've noticed when it comes to my dad watching TV, is that he turns it on then falls asleep (or gives you a lecture on some sort of history related inaccuracy). The only movie I have seen him watch from beginning to end without stopping or falling asleep is (drum roll please) Mean Girls. I am in no way kidding. He had full control of the remote. He found it of his own accord and watched it from beginning to end.

My dad has been known to watch shows with more bleeps than actual dialog, yet the shows I watch are stupid? If anyone can figure out how that works please inform me. I've been working on it for years.

Over Planning

My family has a serious issue with the concept of going with the flow. In fact, they might just be in an all out war over it. When it comes to doing anything, they create this detailed plan as to what they want to do and when it should be done. The problem is this detailed plan never actually makes it to the outer ranks.

Today, for instance, my family went to go see Miramont Castle in Manitou Springs. This, like anything we do, was over complicated. My mom briefly mentioned that we might go see Miramont sometime in the days ahead, but didn't actually tell me when. This morning she and my father took turns yelling at me to get out of bed. (This is not an easy task, unless I was informed of this plan ahead of time.) They were quite pissed at me because I didn't spring out of bed like a woodland pixie. I more or less did it like a troll under a bridge. (I'm not a morning person, okay.) Even the sun takes time to get up in the morning. This started off the day with yelling, screaming, and lectures. (Screaming and lectures tend to be the same thing.) 

Upon getting out of bed, I got breakfast, changed the water in the cow tank, showered, and got dressed. The entire time being yelled at. After all the above tasks, I had to help my sister unload a table my father bought at a garage sale (for the purpose that I'd use it when I got an apartment). My sister asked where we should put the chairs and my dad said to find a place in the garage. When she did find a space in the garage, he told her that that specific location was in the way. My sister even disconnected the hose across the driveway. We were all set to go.

Upon being ready to go, my parents found other random chores for us to do. We were told to take the recycling down to the trash house. (We have a trash house because bears rip into the trash cans. They also ripped half the door off the trash house, but we just ignore that.) The trash guy doesn't come out this far until next friday. I was then told to drag the hose out of the flower bed. There is a reason my family never gets anywhere on time (and it's not because the kids aren't ready).

We actually got down to Miramont and enjoyed our tour of the museum. We didn't even argue while there.
Just on the way there.

Upon finishing our tour, we went to eat dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant, where we go every time we eat out and as a result everyone there knows us. It was all going quite well, until my sister called a friend of ours to meet up with us to go grocery shopping for a backpacking trip we are taking on Tuesday. My sister left a message because they didn't answer. When she said "grocery store" my dad yelled, "Walmart" at her.  Once again a lovely family argument. My friend had to cancel, so we had to buy the groceries and get payed back later.

Upon hearing that my friend had to cancel, we had another argument. To avoid the long drawn out bitch sessions that would ensue, I offered to pay for the groceries with my graduation money. (Actually, I insisted.) My friends will just pay me back when we meet up for backpacking. They didn't even care what was to eat. I personally don't see the point in making a big deal out of it.

Upon grocery shopping, my parents proceeded to treat me like I was going to make some huge mistake in shopping. I kind of get the feeling that they were hoping I would. (That would confirm their beliefs that I am in fact incompetent and am in need of childlike treatment.) I actually got through the store with backpacking supplies and not spending anymore than I expected. It wasn't nearly as hard or as big of a deal as they made it out to be. We then came home.

Upon coming home, I carried up all the groceries that we bought for backpacking. Then went to the restroom. My sister then posted on Facebook the amount people would need to pay me back. This took just enough time for my parents to go ballistic about carrying in the family groceries. I carried up all the groceries that needed to be carried up, but since I didn't carry them in from the car I was in trouble. I even put away the backpacking groceries. I then went down to feed the animals.

Upon feeding  the cows and horse, I listened to a yelling match between my parents and younger sister. It is a good thing our neighbors are never home. While the horse/cow pins aren't terribly far away, they are farther away then our neighbors and I could hear every word that was being yelled. It was a lovely little screaming match about my younger sister not helping carry in the groceries. 

Upon completing the chores, I grabbed an apple and was called into the living room. I said, "just a minute" while I was washing off the apple. This apparently took too long because in the thirty seconds this took, I was told three or four times to come into the living room. (Note: Wait until after arguments to get food.)

Upon entering the living room, received a lecture about my use of time. I go to bed too late and get up too late, and don't get my chores done. The one in particular that was brought up was the cleaning of the bathroom, which I was supposed to do on Friday. On Friday, when I attempted to clean it, my father decided he needed to shave right when I started. I cleaned my room instead. I was basically told that I would have an allotted schedule of chores I need to do and when they need to be done. Apparently, it is a horrible crime if I do one chore during the time frame when I'm supposed to do another. Over scheduling is at it's finest when you want to stab the person in charge with whatever's in reach. (At the particular moment of this lecture, the thing nearest to me a was a tissue box. I have a feeling stabbing a person with that would be quite difficult.)

Never Tell Me Three Times

In my family, there seems to be a wide consensus that I am incompetent. They don't seem to believe that I know how to make my bed, do the dishes, close up the chickens, feed the cows, etc. They seem to think that telling me to do so several times helps me get it done, as well as asking me about every detail of the process.

Trust me. I do know how to feed the horse and cows. I know that I've only been doing it since elementary school, but I do know how much grain to give them and how to give them hay. It really isn't as complicated as you seem to think. And above all else, I know when they need to be fed.

It amazes me. No one else in my family is prone to this. When my younger sister feeds the animals, she doesn't get asked, "Did you give them grain?" "Did you give them enough hay?" "Did you check the water?" etc. They seem to be questions reserved for me. Lately it seems to be worse.

My mother has taken to telling me when to do my laundry. I've been doing my own laundry since middle school. I think I am aware of when I run out of underwear. Believe it or not I even make my bed every morning. As well as, as shower without you telling me to do so. I will admit my room is a disaster area, but so are the rooms of almost everyone else my age. My younger sibling's was a mess until a couple of days ago.

As for regular house hold chores that my family asks for help with, I might actually get them done if you leave me alone about it. The note left on the table in the morning does actually inform me of the chores I should do. Trust me that is enough. It doesn't hurt to call me and ask me if I saw the note. Sometimes I don't. A plate gets set on top of it or I just miss it. (What that can actually happen?)

What is not needed, however, is for you to call every other hour to tell me to do so, nor does my younger sister need to tell me to do so. Trust me the note and the phone call is enough. In fact, if you had just left me alone I might actually have a clean room right now. Nothing pisses me off more than for someone to tell me to do something half a million times.

The only thing that comes close is when my younger sister starts being a brat about it. Sorry, but telling me that you have done oh so much and that I am a lazy bitch doesn't exactly put me in a mood where I want to vacuum. In fact, it kind of makes me want to jam the vacuum up your sinuses.

I know it's a hard concept for you people to understand, but I do know how to do things. I don't need to learn how to clean a bathroom, Mother. I already know how to do so. Just because I don't like doing something doesn't mean I don't know how to do it. For god's sake leave me alone. I don't care if you take a vacation. In fact, do so. Leave the house for me to take care of for a couple of days while you go do something. Let me prove to you that I actually can live on my own and take care of the necessary duties.  


Here are the rules for future duties if you want me to get them done.

1. Don't tell me more than twice.

2. Don't expect everything to get done the instant you tell me to do it. (Give me a couple minutes to get mentally prepared.)

3. Don't give me a guilt trip about how much you've done and how little I've done. (Martyrs have to actually have a cause and no the cleanliness of the dishes doesn't count as one.)

4. I don't actually hate doing the job (not counting the chickens. They are disgusting!) until you've told me to do it half a dozen times.

5. Don't make me repeat back the list of things you want me to do, or the steps involved. I will tune you out and won't remember a word you've said. You're wasting your time and mine.

6. If I have a question, I will ask.

7. If I do ask a question, don't assume I don't know anything. "Where's the toilet bowl cleaner?" does NOT equal "How do you clean the toilet?"

8. You wouldn't be finding places that I missed if you'd left me alone. I would actually have patience to do a good job if I hadn't used it all trying to stop my self from jamming the toilet brush into your eye.

9. Don't bitch at me about the junk in the living room. While I leave stuff in there on occasion, there is a 98% chance that it's either my younger sister's or my dad's.

10. I know this will be the hardest one for you to understand, but LEAVE ME ALONE!

I'm moving out in two months. I can make myself food (without burning down the house). I can clean up my mess. I can do my laundry. I can shower. I can get out of bed (not that I will unless I have to). I can actually keep an area clean (if I actually have a place to put stuff (see Sleeping Arrangements)). I can even manage money.

I promise you. I will not die in the first two days that I'm on my own. Trust me I'll be fine. I don't mind helping out before I move out so long as you treat me as though I am older than five.

Horror Movie Survival Tips

Do to one conversation held late at night (or early in the morning) a friend and I developed a series of rules that will help a person survive horror movie situations. Here goes:

Rule 1. Never split up

Rule 2. Be white

Rule 3. Don't be funny

Rule 4. If your friend is captured, don't be a hero.

Rule 5. Don't investigate strange noises.

Rule 6. Don't hide in a closet

Rule 7. Don't sneak off to make out.

Rule 8. Everyone who has sex dies. If people are dropping like flies, don't fornicate.

Rule 9. When your friends start to disappear, find a weapon with bullets.

Rule 10. Don't trust the creepy person inviting you into their home.

Rule 11. Don't talk to strangers, no matter how hot, interesting, or nice they appear to be.

Rule 12. Know how to change a tire.

Rule 13. Get a navigation system.

Rule 14. Make sure you actually have a spare tire.

Rule 15. Make sure your shoes are tied.

Rule 16. Don't wear flip flops.

Rule 17. Don't stay at hotels/inns/motels where there are no other guests.

Rule 18. Don't eat or drink anything a stranger gives you.

Rule 19. Don't consume anything that makes you less than sober.

Rule 20. Know how to run.

Rule 21. Make sure you're faster than at least one of your friends.

Rule 22. Typically one boy and one girl live. If you're the last of your gender, still be cautious. 

Rule 23. Don't be a crazy religious bitch. 

Rule 24. Always collect proof of what's happening around you. You will likely end up in jail otherwise.

Rule 25. Don't go exploring. Shit always happens when people go exploring.

Rule 26. Don't follow pleas for help. It's usually a trap. 


Rule 27. If you see a man in a hockey mask and he's not actually playing hockey, it's safe to assume he's not friendly and you should run for your life.

Rule 28. Red means blood, so run for your life, dumb ass.


Rule 29. Don't go into the dark room. Chances are whatever is after you is in there.


Rule 30. If you try to take a picture of whatever is after you, you are screwed.


Rule 31. The only reason you should ever go outside is if the person trying to kill you is inside. The only exception to this rule is in case of zombies.


Rule 32. Don't believe everything you see/hear. In cases of supernatural occurrences, sights/sounds are completely useless. 


Rule 33. In the event of supernatural occurrences, don't use a Ouija board.


Rule 34. If someone warns you to not do something, don't do it.


Rule 35. Trust your gut feelings over all else.


Rule 36. Don't go places with do not enter signs. It doesn't matter if you were triple dog dared.


Rule 37. If someone appears out of nowhere, get away from them as soon as possible.


Rule 38. If your friend is acting out of character you're in a horror movie and should kill them/call an exorcist, or you're in a romantic comedy and they've found love, or you're in a science fiction movie and they've been replaced (once again the appropriate action is to kill them).

Rule 39.  If a psychologist says that a person is mentally unstable, it would be wise to avoid all contact with that person.


Rule 40. Don't pick up hitchhikers, people passed out along the side of the road, or anyone strolling around the woods naked.


Rule 41. Don't dig up the past. If someone died fifty years ago, let it be. Investigating that sort of thing could get you killed. 


Rule 42. When your child informs you she wants to leave the house, you leave the house.


Rule 43. If you're going to die, die with dignity. Don't crawl on the floor like a pathetic little worm.


Rule 44. Don't play pranks on anyone, you will die (especially if it's a zombie apocalypse).


Rule 45. If someone dies, don't stop to cry over their dead body.


Rule 46. You will have an excessive amount of blood in your body, as well as a freakishly high pain tolerance. No matter how badly wounded, you will still be able to take out the killer. Don't miss this opportunity.

Rule 47. Use common sense.

Rule 48. Be resourceful anything can either be used as a weapon or trap, or converted into one. Channel the kid from Home Alone.

Movie Dates

The typical (or shall I say stereotypical) date is dinner and a movie. The dinner part is easy. Sure there are different types of food, but avoid fast food and you'll be fine What movie to go see is a little more complicated. There are so many different genres to choose from. What is a person to do?

1. The Horror Movie
The first date classic. It makes the girl cling onto you because she's scared, right? Maybe. During one Halloween horror movie marathon, a friend of mine used every opportunity possible to leap into the lap of the guy she liked. Nothing became of this other than the continued mocking of my friend. On the other hand, at a more recent horror movie marathon, two friends of mine held onto each other the entire time. A couple of days late, after they mutually, publicly Facebook stalked each other they were officially dating. If it's mutually holding onto each other, it will be a success. If it's one sided, are you sure that you're on a date?

2. The Romantic Comedy
Romantic comedies (especially those that come out around Valentine's Day) are specifically designed to have a simple plot. This is so couples can pay ten bucks a piece to sit in a darkened public place and make out, while not being horribly confused when they come up for air. (Why else would there be movies like This Means War?) These are only for couples comfortable with sucking face in public. If you aren't a couple comfortable making out in public it's best to either 1) wait for the DVD and rent it or 2) go with friends and shoot spit balls at couples making out.

3. The Science Fiction Film
If it's one that people camped out for, you better be dating a nerd if you plan to go see it on a date. If you are dating a nerd and you are a nerd, the only problem will be the debates afterwards. These will include Comic book/Book/Video game/Board game (yeah, I'm talking to you Battleship) compared to the movie, how it compares to other science fiction films (most likely Star Wars), what the deeper meanings were, etc.

4. Twilight Saga
To anyone who was forced to go see any Twilight film on a date, you have my deepest sympathies. This is a series of films that mostly just screaming fan girls drooling over Edward and Jacob go see. Unfortunately, these drooling fan girls, on occasion have boyfriends (and on rarer occasions girlfriends) who are either drugged, tied up, kidnapped, or bribed into seeing these films. Once again, to those forced to see these films, you have my sincerest condolences.

5. The Fantasy Film
It's the same basic situation as science fiction films.

6. The Musical
These are the movies that drama nerds go see on dates (or Tim Burton fans in the case of Sweeney Todd). After the movie, they will then go buy the soundtrack and will know all the lyrics by the time the date has ended. In some cases, the people going will already know all the lyrics to the Broadway version and will be using all their effort to not sing along to with the movie.

7. The Animated Musical
Dorks and boyfriends/girlfriends of dorks will go see these on dates. They will  actually watch the film because all around them will be little children and the parents of little children. If they attempt to make out then it will take only a couple minutes for parents to make disgruntled throat clearing noises as well as stares that appear to be an attempt at blowing up the couple in question. After the movie they will then do as drama kids do; purchase the soundtrack and learn the songs by the time the night is over.

8. The Anime Film
Who are we kidding? No one who goes to see these in theaters is on a date. They were probably just kicked out of the house for a bit because they were watching to many cartoons alone in their room. 

Nervousness

Nervousness is what happens when awkwardness falls into a tub or nuclear waste and is transformed into a giant Japanese monster type beast. There are two types of nervousness and both are as equally fatal. The first and most common form is Loud Nervous. The second form is Quiet Nervous.

Loud Nervous is when a person says and does anything and everything that pops into their head. Basically they make an ass out of themselves. They become a more visible target for ridicule (or, in the case of some of my guy friends, facial slaps).

Quiet Nervous doesn't make a person look like an ass. Instead, they look more like a deer in the headlights. They don't say or do anything that pops into their head, no matter how brilliant the thought was. They become a less visible target, but manage to stay directly in the path of the any approaching trolls. I personally tend to be this type of nervous. I think of something that is actually quite brilliant to do, but can't quite bring myself to do so. I can actively participate in a conversation already in progress, but I can't change the course of the conversation. Nor can I start an entirely new conversation. It's not 'til later that I realize I could have said/done that and been completely successful.

An After Note:
There are people out there that always appear as if they suffer from Loud Nervousness. They're either always nervous or just loud and obnoxious. The naturally loud and obnoxious will leave your ears ringing for a couple of hours on the occasions when they actually become nervous. I yet to meet a naturally loud and obnoxious person who upon becoming nervous becomes quiet.