Everyone knows at least one useless fact that will most likely never benefit them in anyways, but they still enjoy saying it whenever they get a chance. It is people who happen to know way to many of these these things that end up on game shows and win tons of cash. I know my fair share of pointless facts, but they tend to be all centralized. If I were to end up on a game show most of the questions would have to be about comic books or cartoons otherwise I'd go home having completely wasted my time.
Most all the random facts i know will never come up in normal conversations and some of them are just random facts made up by me and my friends. Some of which are:
1. Singing makes you teleport.
2. ABS! doesn't exist on certain dimensional planes.
3.Super Jack The Ripper and Castration Superman are the worlds two most ruthless supervillians.
4. There is always a cape that is appropriate for your purposes.
5. All French teachers have signed a secret decree to be oblivious to what goes on in their class.
6. How to properly grade a baby.
7. How to blow someone up from the inside using gun powder and matches.
8.Only people who actually use their locker will get one that everyone stands in front of to make out.
9. A cramp in your toe can keep you from doing many things, including going to Hell.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
How to Dodge Flying Objects
At one point or another everyone ends up having something thrown at them. Whether it be accidentally or intentionally. Here are some tips to avoid getting hit with the thing.
1.Never insult anyone who has a good throwing arm.
2. Never Insult someone who is standing next to an object that can easily be thrown.
3.Learn to duck.
4.Learn to jump.
5. Learn to sidestep.
6.Don't throw something first.
7. Just don't insult anybody or make anybody mad. I know this is hard, but believe me the blood saved will make it all worth it (in most cases).
1.Never insult anyone who has a good throwing arm.
2. Never Insult someone who is standing next to an object that can easily be thrown.
3.Learn to duck.
4.Learn to jump.
5. Learn to sidestep.
6.Don't throw something first.
7. Just don't insult anybody or make anybody mad. I know this is hard, but believe me the blood saved will make it all worth it (in most cases).
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Bear-a-lope
Everyone has heard of a jack-a-lope, the cute little rabbit with antlers. But very few people have heard of the bear-a-lope. It is an above average sized bear with antlers on top of its head. The last reported sighting was in my back yard by my cousins. Since the bear-a-lope population seems to be returning here are a few things you should know in case you ever encounter one.
1. Where dirty or smelly clothes when hiking. Bear-a-lopes are naturally repelled by the scent of human body odor.
2. If you encounter a bear-a-lope run away as fast as you can the whole time while screaming loudly.
3. As you run away it is helpful to throw food to distract the bear-a-lope from you, but don't throw inedible items because this will cause the bear-a-lope to chase you in an effort to return the object.
4. Climb a tree if there happens to be one nearby. Bear-a-lopes can't climb trees because their antlers get caught on the branches.
5. Never play dead. A bear-a-lope will eat you thinking that you are an easy snack.
6. If a bear-a-lope wraps it's paws around you it probably just wants a hug and will not let go of you until you give it one.
Bear-a-lopes are generally gentle creatures, but they can cause some serious harm. They are always looking for a snack or a hug so beware when one gets close.
1. Where dirty or smelly clothes when hiking. Bear-a-lopes are naturally repelled by the scent of human body odor.
2. If you encounter a bear-a-lope run away as fast as you can the whole time while screaming loudly.
3. As you run away it is helpful to throw food to distract the bear-a-lope from you, but don't throw inedible items because this will cause the bear-a-lope to chase you in an effort to return the object.
4. Climb a tree if there happens to be one nearby. Bear-a-lopes can't climb trees because their antlers get caught on the branches.
5. Never play dead. A bear-a-lope will eat you thinking that you are an easy snack.
6. If a bear-a-lope wraps it's paws around you it probably just wants a hug and will not let go of you until you give it one.
Bear-a-lopes are generally gentle creatures, but they can cause some serious harm. They are always looking for a snack or a hug so beware when one gets close.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Wonderful World of Dork Sports
So school starts in a little less than a week. This means that laptag season is coming to a close and the season for volley carton and tote kinder begins. Here are the official rules for the sports we play.
Laptag
Must have at least five players otherwise don't even bother playing.
One person stands in the center and everyone else pairs up. Once you have a partner, you sit one partner in front of the other. The person in front will be trying to tag the person who stands in the center while the person in back tries to stop them from doing so. The person in the center will call the people who are in front to come and tag him/her.
When the person in the center gets tagged, the round is over and the person that tagged them is that person's partner and the person that was partners with the tagger is now in the center. All the people who are paired up now switch places. The person who was in back is now in front and vise versa.
Warning: This game can get seriously violent when people get into it. So protect your face.
Volley Carton
Can have any number of players, but if you have at least two it's actually fun.
All you need is an empty school lunch sized milk carton.
All players sit in a circle. One person tosses the carton up and everyone tries to keep it from hitting the ground.
That's all there is to it. There is no actuall way of winning the game, but it is quite likely you might get hit if you are the one to let it hit the ground.
Warning: When diving be aware of you surroundings.
ABS!!!
This is one of the strangest sports we play.
The first stage of this is simply abs. When someone lifts up their shirt just far enough that you can see their stomach while they yell, "abs," you must run backwards until you collide with the next solid object. If the person you are absing does abs at the same time a you the original abs was canceled out. This brings us to stage two.
Stage two is unicorns. You turn around and expose your lower back while yelling, "unicorns" and it has the same effect as abs. If two people unicorn at the same time the unicorn is canceled out and you move on to stage three.
Stage three is pelvic thrust. You turn back around and face you opponent. You do a pelvic thrust (if you don't know what that is watch Rocky Horror Picture Show) while yelling, "pelvic thrust" once again having the same effect as abs. If two pelvic thrusts are done simultaneously then the pelvic thrust is canceled and you start over back at abs.
Warning: This game looks and sounds very strange to passersby so beware.
Tote Kinder
The name of this sport is German for "Dead Children." It was named this after the vice principle yelled at us to stop playing it.
Can be played with two or more people.
The object of this game is to either knock down you opponent(s) or remove their shoes.
The only guidelines are:
1. You can't use your hands.
2. If you get knocked down or loose a shoe you are out.
3. You are not allowed to retie or reposition your shoes once the came has begun.
Warning: While playing this game we have been accused of dancing as well as gotten it banned to the point where if any teacher sees us playing it they are supposed to send us straight to the office.
Soccer Carton
Need at least two players.
This is a spin off of volley carton. It's usually played in the hallway where we choose two doors as goals.
The same rules of normal soccer apply. The only difference is not even the goalie can use their hands.
Warning; Teachers don't really like it if you play soccer outside their classroom door.
The Letter Game
Need two players or more.
Not so much a sport as an excuse to punch each other.
One letter from the alphabet is chosen. If any of the players pronounce this letter aloud they get punched in the arm by the other players.
This game is usually only played by my friends during CSAP week.
Warning: You will get massive bruises on your arm(s).
Laptag
Must have at least five players otherwise don't even bother playing.
One person stands in the center and everyone else pairs up. Once you have a partner, you sit one partner in front of the other. The person in front will be trying to tag the person who stands in the center while the person in back tries to stop them from doing so. The person in the center will call the people who are in front to come and tag him/her.
When the person in the center gets tagged, the round is over and the person that tagged them is that person's partner and the person that was partners with the tagger is now in the center. All the people who are paired up now switch places. The person who was in back is now in front and vise versa.
Warning: This game can get seriously violent when people get into it. So protect your face.
Volley Carton
Can have any number of players, but if you have at least two it's actually fun.
All you need is an empty school lunch sized milk carton.
All players sit in a circle. One person tosses the carton up and everyone tries to keep it from hitting the ground.
That's all there is to it. There is no actuall way of winning the game, but it is quite likely you might get hit if you are the one to let it hit the ground.
Warning: When diving be aware of you surroundings.
ABS!!!
This is one of the strangest sports we play.
The first stage of this is simply abs. When someone lifts up their shirt just far enough that you can see their stomach while they yell, "abs," you must run backwards until you collide with the next solid object. If the person you are absing does abs at the same time a you the original abs was canceled out. This brings us to stage two.
Stage two is unicorns. You turn around and expose your lower back while yelling, "unicorns" and it has the same effect as abs. If two people unicorn at the same time the unicorn is canceled out and you move on to stage three.
Stage three is pelvic thrust. You turn back around and face you opponent. You do a pelvic thrust (if you don't know what that is watch Rocky Horror Picture Show) while yelling, "pelvic thrust" once again having the same effect as abs. If two pelvic thrusts are done simultaneously then the pelvic thrust is canceled and you start over back at abs.
Warning: This game looks and sounds very strange to passersby so beware.
Tote Kinder
The name of this sport is German for "Dead Children." It was named this after the vice principle yelled at us to stop playing it.
Can be played with two or more people.
The object of this game is to either knock down you opponent(s) or remove their shoes.
The only guidelines are:
1. You can't use your hands.
2. If you get knocked down or loose a shoe you are out.
3. You are not allowed to retie or reposition your shoes once the came has begun.
Warning: While playing this game we have been accused of dancing as well as gotten it banned to the point where if any teacher sees us playing it they are supposed to send us straight to the office.
Soccer Carton
Need at least two players.
This is a spin off of volley carton. It's usually played in the hallway where we choose two doors as goals.
The same rules of normal soccer apply. The only difference is not even the goalie can use their hands.
Warning; Teachers don't really like it if you play soccer outside their classroom door.
The Letter Game
Need two players or more.
Not so much a sport as an excuse to punch each other.
One letter from the alphabet is chosen. If any of the players pronounce this letter aloud they get punched in the arm by the other players.
This game is usually only played by my friends during CSAP week.
Warning: You will get massive bruises on your arm(s).
Monday, August 15, 2011
Laws of Facial Hair
Despite what people say unacceptable facial hair is the number one problem in the world. There should be a facial hair police. Here are the guidelines created by me and my friends about what facial hair is acceptable and what isn't.
It's acceptable if:
1. It makes you look like:
A Dictator
A Pirate
A Ship Captain
Jesus
A Wizard
A Potential Dictator
Abraham Lincoln
A Pharaoh
2. You are:
A Wizard
Santa
Tom Seleck
All other facial hair is unacceptable. If you happen to be in the process of growing your facial hair to look like a certain acceptable form of facial hair then you should be required to hold an unacceptable facial hair permit.
It's acceptable if:
1. It makes you look like:
A Dictator
A Pirate
A Ship Captain
Jesus
A Wizard
A Potential Dictator
Abraham Lincoln
A Pharaoh
2. You are:
A Wizard
Santa
Tom Seleck
All other facial hair is unacceptable. If you happen to be in the process of growing your facial hair to look like a certain acceptable form of facial hair then you should be required to hold an unacceptable facial hair permit.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Purgatory
Fifty bucks says that purgatory is just one massive DMV. You just sit there and wait for your chance to prove that you can go somewhere.
Today I spent two hours in purgatory in order to get my license. Despite waiting, I learned a couple somewhat interesting and random facts.
1. Gold fish have 96 chromosomes.
2. Never read Jaws before traveling to the ocean.
3. Human plasma is yellow.
4. Tornadoes are most likely to occur from 5-6pm.
5. Tornadoes are least likely to occur from 4-5am.
6. Mello Yellow (the soda) says on the bottle "Doesn't Contain Juice" when in the ingredients it has orange juice concentrate as the third ingredient.
7. My dad can find a fellow history buff to talk to anywhere.
8. If you have to catch a flight, but you have to pee, hold it.
9. Ex hippies always have something interesting to say.
I learned part of this from a lady that sat next to me, part from the marquee they have filled with trivia questions and statements trying to convince you to be an organ donor, part from being bored and reading the ingredients on my soda, and part from just sitting next to my dad.
After all this, I was then called for my driving test. I passed and am now a licensed driver in the state of Colorado.
Today I spent two hours in purgatory in order to get my license. Despite waiting, I learned a couple somewhat interesting and random facts.
1. Gold fish have 96 chromosomes.
2. Never read Jaws before traveling to the ocean.
3. Human plasma is yellow.
4. Tornadoes are most likely to occur from 5-6pm.
5. Tornadoes are least likely to occur from 4-5am.
6. Mello Yellow (the soda) says on the bottle "Doesn't Contain Juice" when in the ingredients it has orange juice concentrate as the third ingredient.
7. My dad can find a fellow history buff to talk to anywhere.
8. If you have to catch a flight, but you have to pee, hold it.
9. Ex hippies always have something interesting to say.
I learned part of this from a lady that sat next to me, part from the marquee they have filled with trivia questions and statements trying to convince you to be an organ donor, part from being bored and reading the ingredients on my soda, and part from just sitting next to my dad.
After all this, I was then called for my driving test. I passed and am now a licensed driver in the state of Colorado.
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Law of 3s
People don't seem to know when to give up. As far as I see it, if you don't get any closer after three tries your wasting your time. If at first you don't succeed by all means try again, but when you've tried three times and have gotten no farther then you're not going to get any farther then you did before. There's a difference between will power and just being stubborn.
When people start asking someone to do something they tend to keep asking until they get the answer they want. If the person who is being asked is stubborn, once you get past three tries you don't stand a chance of getting a yes. They will stop even considering your question and will just start denying you on principal.
If that girl you like won't say yes after three tries she's not interested. Coming up with flashier or more creative ways of asking her will not make her anymore likely to say yes. You'll just start to look like a creep.
When you're trying to beat a game, if you play the same level three and get no closer to beating it give up. At least for the moment being you're not going to get any better at it by being killed by the same alien thirty times. Take a break come back in a couple hours or better yet a couple days. Chances are when you sit back down after doing something else you'll no longer be frustrated and can blast that alien to bits without a second thought.
If by the third time you don't get any closer give up, take a break and try again later. Chances are you might get somewhere if you take a break for a little while.
When people start asking someone to do something they tend to keep asking until they get the answer they want. If the person who is being asked is stubborn, once you get past three tries you don't stand a chance of getting a yes. They will stop even considering your question and will just start denying you on principal.
If that girl you like won't say yes after three tries she's not interested. Coming up with flashier or more creative ways of asking her will not make her anymore likely to say yes. You'll just start to look like a creep.
When you're trying to beat a game, if you play the same level three and get no closer to beating it give up. At least for the moment being you're not going to get any better at it by being killed by the same alien thirty times. Take a break come back in a couple hours or better yet a couple days. Chances are when you sit back down after doing something else you'll no longer be frustrated and can blast that alien to bits without a second thought.
If by the third time you don't get any closer give up, take a break and try again later. Chances are you might get somewhere if you take a break for a little while.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Ways in Which I Get Injured
Being a klutz is one thing most kids grow out of once they grow into their feet. I either have outgrown my feet or some invisible creature is really enjoying themselves. Despite years of ballet, figure skating, Scottish dance, and gymnastics as a small child, I seamed to have avoided all grace attempts made by my parents. My two sisters however managed to bypass the wonderful world of Klutz. I am living proof that putting your daughter in ballet as soon as she can walk will not make her any less clumsy.
Ways in which I've been injured:
1. Broke my right collar bone by falling out of my booster seat to the left side.
2. Broke my left collar bone by crashing into the stove which was on my right side.
3. Pulled my shoulder out of it's socket by picking up a wool blanket
4. Sprained my ankle on the fourth of July and don't have a clue how it happened.
5. Did a perfect trip fall and cartoon slide on my face down the ramp in the school auditorium.
6. Got elbowed in the face playing laptag (see Slang) at my seventeenth birthday party and broke my nose.
7. Accidentally got punched in the face while sitting on my friends couch at his eighteenth birthday party. This re-broke my nose and straightened it after I broke it at my seventeenth birthday party.
8. Dislocated my collar bone playing volley carton (see Slang).
9. Walked into the same pole three days in a row all three times while my friend was telling me to watch out for it.
10. Fell down the stairs on Christmas morning while carrying my cat. (resulted in a bruised butt as well as several claw marks)
11. While climbing on the bathroom sink to get something I couldn't reach in the medicine cabinet, I fell off and scraped my stomach on the corner of the sink.
12. While climbing a tree, the branch broke and I slid down the tree ripping my pants, underwear and shirt on the jagged nub of a branch that was left.
13. Received a black eye from the table when my dad tried to push in the chair I was sitting on. I was sitting on the edge and it flipped forward causing me to smack my face on the corner of the table.
14. Was sitting outside having a picnic with my family and when it started to rain. A rain drop fell into my cup right as I took a drink causing lemonade to splash into my eye.
15. On the fourth of July a piece of a firework landed on my foot catching my shoe on fire. The guy next to me stomped on my foot and put the fire out.
16. My hair caught fire when I got to close to a candle while the power was out. (one of the reasons I don't have long hair anymore)
17. Hit the oven mitt off the top of the oven when taking out a lasagna, thus lighting it on fire.
18. Hit my bare hand off the top of the oven while taking foil off the top of a lasagna.
19. Almost dropped the lasagna, but gained control of it without having to catch it with my bare hand. I then sat it down on the counter and accidentally bumped my bare hand on the corner of the pan.
20. While playing with my cat her claw went up my nose and ripped through the outside of my nostril.
21. Burned my hand by accidentally grabbing the hot part of the hotdog roaster.
22. The legs of the stool I was sitting on suddenly gave way launching me backwards into the closet door which I then broke with my freakishly hard head.
23. Crashed into my friend, flipped over her shoulder and landed head first on cement. I received a lump on the head and the cement was cracked.
24. Broke my glasses by putting my hand on the side of my head during math class. (not technically an injury, but still quite ridiculous)
25. Got pegged in the face by a basket ball three times in one fifteen minute game of catch. (resulted in broken glasses)
26. Sprained my pinky on a friends jacket while playing tag.
27. Bruised my ribs when a friend flopped on my stomach.
28. Crashed into my grandpa's station wagon while sledding.
29.Crashed my bicycle while trying to teach my little sister how to ride. (resulted in her never trying to ride one again)
30. While playing kickball during gym class I got elbowed in the jaw and was sent skidding back a good three feet. Thanks to the sprained jaw I received, I can no longer chew gum. Also my jaw can only open half as far as before and it clicks when I do so.
31. Jammed my knee cap by smacking my knee off of the trunk in my algebra teacher's classroom.
32. Scraped the side of my neck on a branch while falling out of a tree (oddly enough received no other injury).
33. Older sister accidentally slammed a car door on my fingers.
34. Took a chunk of flesh out of the side of my foot by stepping on the edge of a broken bolt on my grandma's doll buggy.
35. Stepped on a rusty coat hanger which went into my foot a good inch.
36. I constantly hit my head off the cupboard above the stove. It's at the perfect location where I collide with it at least once a week.
37. I have a lightning bolt scar on my right pinky because during a water fight my sister accidentally shoved a broken glass into my finger when I stuck my hand up to keep from getting splashed in the face.
38. I did a belly flop on my deck by falling off the railing I was trying to sit on.
39. I had to run to catch the bus with a brake drum in my bag. It was banging against my knee which swelled up to twice its size. (I had the brake drum because I was supposed to use it as a musical instrument in a band competition the next day.)
40. Slid into a nearby wall while playing Duck Duck Goose. (Note: This didn't occur when I was little, but only a few weeks ago at my friends eighteenth birthday party.)
I have injured myself many more times but these just happen to be the most ridiculous of them. I of course do everyday clumsy thing such as break dishes, stub my toe, trip, etc. If I were to list all my injuries we'd be here for quite a long while seeing as I injure myself in minor ways almost everyday.
Ways in which I've been injured:
1. Broke my right collar bone by falling out of my booster seat to the left side.
2. Broke my left collar bone by crashing into the stove which was on my right side.
3. Pulled my shoulder out of it's socket by picking up a wool blanket
4. Sprained my ankle on the fourth of July and don't have a clue how it happened.
5. Did a perfect trip fall and cartoon slide on my face down the ramp in the school auditorium.
6. Got elbowed in the face playing laptag (see Slang) at my seventeenth birthday party and broke my nose.
7. Accidentally got punched in the face while sitting on my friends couch at his eighteenth birthday party. This re-broke my nose and straightened it after I broke it at my seventeenth birthday party.
8. Dislocated my collar bone playing volley carton (see Slang).
9. Walked into the same pole three days in a row all three times while my friend was telling me to watch out for it.
10. Fell down the stairs on Christmas morning while carrying my cat. (resulted in a bruised butt as well as several claw marks)
11. While climbing on the bathroom sink to get something I couldn't reach in the medicine cabinet, I fell off and scraped my stomach on the corner of the sink.
12. While climbing a tree, the branch broke and I slid down the tree ripping my pants, underwear and shirt on the jagged nub of a branch that was left.
13. Received a black eye from the table when my dad tried to push in the chair I was sitting on. I was sitting on the edge and it flipped forward causing me to smack my face on the corner of the table.
14. Was sitting outside having a picnic with my family and when it started to rain. A rain drop fell into my cup right as I took a drink causing lemonade to splash into my eye.
15. On the fourth of July a piece of a firework landed on my foot catching my shoe on fire. The guy next to me stomped on my foot and put the fire out.
16. My hair caught fire when I got to close to a candle while the power was out. (one of the reasons I don't have long hair anymore)
17. Hit the oven mitt off the top of the oven when taking out a lasagna, thus lighting it on fire.
18. Hit my bare hand off the top of the oven while taking foil off the top of a lasagna.
19. Almost dropped the lasagna, but gained control of it without having to catch it with my bare hand. I then sat it down on the counter and accidentally bumped my bare hand on the corner of the pan.
20. While playing with my cat her claw went up my nose and ripped through the outside of my nostril.
21. Burned my hand by accidentally grabbing the hot part of the hotdog roaster.
22. The legs of the stool I was sitting on suddenly gave way launching me backwards into the closet door which I then broke with my freakishly hard head.
23. Crashed into my friend, flipped over her shoulder and landed head first on cement. I received a lump on the head and the cement was cracked.
24. Broke my glasses by putting my hand on the side of my head during math class. (not technically an injury, but still quite ridiculous)
25. Got pegged in the face by a basket ball three times in one fifteen minute game of catch. (resulted in broken glasses)
26. Sprained my pinky on a friends jacket while playing tag.
27. Bruised my ribs when a friend flopped on my stomach.
28. Crashed into my grandpa's station wagon while sledding.
29.Crashed my bicycle while trying to teach my little sister how to ride. (resulted in her never trying to ride one again)
30. While playing kickball during gym class I got elbowed in the jaw and was sent skidding back a good three feet. Thanks to the sprained jaw I received, I can no longer chew gum. Also my jaw can only open half as far as before and it clicks when I do so.
31. Jammed my knee cap by smacking my knee off of the trunk in my algebra teacher's classroom.
32. Scraped the side of my neck on a branch while falling out of a tree (oddly enough received no other injury).
33. Older sister accidentally slammed a car door on my fingers.
34. Took a chunk of flesh out of the side of my foot by stepping on the edge of a broken bolt on my grandma's doll buggy.
35. Stepped on a rusty coat hanger which went into my foot a good inch.
36. I constantly hit my head off the cupboard above the stove. It's at the perfect location where I collide with it at least once a week.
37. I have a lightning bolt scar on my right pinky because during a water fight my sister accidentally shoved a broken glass into my finger when I stuck my hand up to keep from getting splashed in the face.
38. I did a belly flop on my deck by falling off the railing I was trying to sit on.
39. I had to run to catch the bus with a brake drum in my bag. It was banging against my knee which swelled up to twice its size. (I had the brake drum because I was supposed to use it as a musical instrument in a band competition the next day.)
40. Slid into a nearby wall while playing Duck Duck Goose. (Note: This didn't occur when I was little, but only a few weeks ago at my friends eighteenth birthday party.)
I have injured myself many more times but these just happen to be the most ridiculous of them. I of course do everyday clumsy thing such as break dishes, stub my toe, trip, etc. If I were to list all my injuries we'd be here for quite a long while seeing as I injure myself in minor ways almost everyday.
Friday, August 5, 2011
The Art of Avoiding My Family
During the three months of summer my house becomes infested with aunts, uncles, and cousins. The first of them arrive around the last week of school and the last of them leave 2-4 weeks before school starts. This leaves me with barely enough time, space or sanity to get ready for the on coming school year. To keep my sanity and avoid fights I have this system.
Step 1: Play music only you like. If you play music that your relatives can't stand they naturally avoid the area. The key to this is to play it quiet enough that it can't be heard all over the house, but loud enough that you can only hear people talk to you from the room your stationed in. If you set the volume just right your relatives will not come in to talk to you. When they want something of you they'll try to get your attention by other means which are easily ignorable. If it's important enough they will enter your room anyways to get your attention. (Having to actually go into your room can make them quite angry at times so beware when using this technique.)
Step 2: Avoid entering rooms where there are people. This is by far the most difficult. Since the art of teleportation is imperfect and most of us aren't ninjas this becomes the most difficult part. Most houses have it where you have to go through certain rooms to get to others. The problem with entering rooms with other people in them is that since you are in sight they remember things they wanted to ask you or have you do. By entering these rooms you can get caught in unwanted conversations or lectures and you can end up a lackey, getting drinks for someone because they saw you enter the kitchen, taking out the trash, etc.
Step 3: Don't enter or stay in any room where an argument is brewing. If you are already in a room when you sense an argument starting get out ASAP. You don't want to be stuck in a room with a fight in progress. Eventually someone will ask your opinion on something, thus dragging you in against your will. You can sense a fight brewing if voices start to get raised, they start clenching their fists, etc. The other part to this is to not enter a room where an argument is in progress. You can make an argument worse by entering at the wrong moment. In some cases you will get dragged in and there's a good chance you won't be coming out unscathed.
MAC (my dad's sister) has an uncanny ability to enter an argument at the worse possible moment. Instead of just leaving arguments alone or even trying to defuse them, she will step part way into the room make a passive aggressive comment that has very little to do with the argument and step out increasing the anger of the people fighting. THIS IS A BAD IDEA DON'T EVER DO IT!
WARNING: These techniques have only been proven to work on my family so use caution when attempting on yours.
Step 1: Play music only you like. If you play music that your relatives can't stand they naturally avoid the area. The key to this is to play it quiet enough that it can't be heard all over the house, but loud enough that you can only hear people talk to you from the room your stationed in. If you set the volume just right your relatives will not come in to talk to you. When they want something of you they'll try to get your attention by other means which are easily ignorable. If it's important enough they will enter your room anyways to get your attention. (Having to actually go into your room can make them quite angry at times so beware when using this technique.)
Step 2: Avoid entering rooms where there are people. This is by far the most difficult. Since the art of teleportation is imperfect and most of us aren't ninjas this becomes the most difficult part. Most houses have it where you have to go through certain rooms to get to others. The problem with entering rooms with other people in them is that since you are in sight they remember things they wanted to ask you or have you do. By entering these rooms you can get caught in unwanted conversations or lectures and you can end up a lackey, getting drinks for someone because they saw you enter the kitchen, taking out the trash, etc.
Step 3: Don't enter or stay in any room where an argument is brewing. If you are already in a room when you sense an argument starting get out ASAP. You don't want to be stuck in a room with a fight in progress. Eventually someone will ask your opinion on something, thus dragging you in against your will. You can sense a fight brewing if voices start to get raised, they start clenching their fists, etc. The other part to this is to not enter a room where an argument is in progress. You can make an argument worse by entering at the wrong moment. In some cases you will get dragged in and there's a good chance you won't be coming out unscathed.
MAC (my dad's sister) has an uncanny ability to enter an argument at the worse possible moment. Instead of just leaving arguments alone or even trying to defuse them, she will step part way into the room make a passive aggressive comment that has very little to do with the argument and step out increasing the anger of the people fighting. THIS IS A BAD IDEA DON'T EVER DO IT!
WARNING: These techniques have only been proven to work on my family so use caution when attempting on yours.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Slang
Every culture has their own slang. Me and my friends are not exceptions to this rule. Just like anyone else, we use slang on an everyday basis.
ABS!!!: One of the many hallway games we play. If you get absed you have to run in the opposite direction of the person the who absed you until you hit a solid object.
The Crazies: My dad's side of the family. (see MAC and MAM)
Hedgedog: combination hedgehog and dog (what Spyke is known as)
Laptag: One of the most intense games we play. A cross between wrestling, running for your life and tag. Has the highest injury rate of all the games we play. Only one of our games not played in school.
The Letter Game: One letter is chosen and you are not allowed to use the letter in conversation. If you slip up and use this letter you will be slugged violently in the arm by each of the other participants.
MAC: Simply means Mad Aunt C- (I won't say her actual name, but feel free to fill in the blank with any C name of your choice.) My dad's oldest sister.
MAM: simply means Mad Aunt M- (I won't say her actual name, but feel free to fill in the blank with the M name of your choice) One of my dad's older sisters. There is no worse insult in my family than being compared to her.
Soccer Carton: A spin off of volley carton. Often played in the school hallway between the Drama workshop and the auditorium. Same rules apply as soccer. Except not even goalies use their hands. Usually played after lunch during passing period.
Tote Kinder: A sport created by Spyke, Watson, Veg and I. (those are my three closest guy friends and yes they are actual people not animals, toys or food). Created during CSAP week at school, it is one of the most intense passing period sports ever created. You attack each others feet trying to either knock them over or remove their shoe using only your feet.
Vamgo: A vampire gopher
Volley Carton: Our favorite lunch time game. Using someone's (usually mine) empty milk carton we will bop it around the air trying to keep it from hitting the ground.
ABS!!!: One of the many hallway games we play. If you get absed you have to run in the opposite direction of the person the who absed you until you hit a solid object.
The Crazies: My dad's side of the family. (see MAC and MAM)
Hedgedog: combination hedgehog and dog (what Spyke is known as)
Laptag: One of the most intense games we play. A cross between wrestling, running for your life and tag. Has the highest injury rate of all the games we play. Only one of our games not played in school.
The Letter Game: One letter is chosen and you are not allowed to use the letter in conversation. If you slip up and use this letter you will be slugged violently in the arm by each of the other participants.
MAC: Simply means Mad Aunt C- (I won't say her actual name, but feel free to fill in the blank with any C name of your choice.) My dad's oldest sister.
MAM: simply means Mad Aunt M- (I won't say her actual name, but feel free to fill in the blank with the M name of your choice) One of my dad's older sisters. There is no worse insult in my family than being compared to her.
Soccer Carton: A spin off of volley carton. Often played in the school hallway between the Drama workshop and the auditorium. Same rules apply as soccer. Except not even goalies use their hands. Usually played after lunch during passing period.
Tote Kinder: A sport created by Spyke, Watson, Veg and I. (those are my three closest guy friends and yes they are actual people not animals, toys or food). Created during CSAP week at school, it is one of the most intense passing period sports ever created. You attack each others feet trying to either knock them over or remove their shoe using only your feet.
Vamgo: A vampire gopher
Volley Carton: Our favorite lunch time game. Using someone's (usually mine) empty milk carton we will bop it around the air trying to keep it from hitting the ground.
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